Yeah! BlogHer noticed a recent post on here regarding my concern and interest in how parents handle the knowledge of having a gay child. It would be great if you would head to the syndicated post and participate in the discussion.

Thanks!

-original post on lifewithboys.com-

And by “that” I mean, “Parenting a gay son/lesbian daughter."  Is it different than parenting a straight child?  If you have an answer, I would love to hear it.

When my oldest son was about 14, Roy and I sensed that perhaps something was up with him.  I say "up with him” because I don’t necessarily think he was NOT normal.  So, instead of wondering, I asked him when we were driving to the grocery store one morning.  It was just he and I in the car, and I told him that whatever he told me could be between us.

“Corey, are you bisexual?”  And I asked that because he had short-term girlfriends in the past. “Do you think you might be gay?”

The reasons that I asked this question aren’t important.  What was important to me at the time was Corey knowing that no matter what he said, I would love him, and I would be there for him.

“I think I am.” He told me, and there was a strength to his voice that I didn’t expect to hear.

“You think… you’re gay?  Bisexual?"  I wasn’t sure what he was confirming.

"No, I’m gay."  He looked at me, and what I will always remember was that I didn’t see a fear in his eyes.  I didn’t see him seeking me out for reassurance that I still loved him, that he was still "ok.”  I think he knew that no matter what he said, he was still my son.

And here is where I falter.  My oldest son is gay, but I don’t parent him differently than I do my straight sons.  There isn’t one set of rules for the gay child and another for the straight.  Roy and I still talk to Corey about the consequences of sex, and while I am not worried about him getting another young man pregnant, I do worry that in the heat of the moment precautions might not be taken and an STD could be contracted.  So I tell him that sex isn’t worth your life.  A moment of pleasure isn’t worth a lifetime of health problems, just as I tell Joe.  (Of course, for Joe we mention pregnancy.  So, ok, perhaps that is one difference.)

But I still expect him to do well in school, I still expect him to have some sort of game plan for graduation, and I still want him to find someone that makes him feel the way his dad makes me feel.  I know he wants children and has expressed a desire to adopt, and I hope that happens - whether he is in a relationship or single.  I want ALL my children to be happy, with Corey should he choose to be with someone, that someone will just be a man, and not a woman.

I think some might be surprised, might think I am nonchalant about this.  I’m not, but I also don’t think that it was the life shocker that some might believe.  I watched a show today, actually it was Oprah’s show from yesterday, and one mother said that upon learning her daughter was a lesbian, she had to redefine all her dreams for her daughter?  My thought… huh?  What exactly was her dream for her daughter here?

When Corey told me he was gay, my first thought was, Roy and I were right.  My second was I hope he knows that not everyone is as accepting as our family.  (and yes I am proud to say we are an open-minded family.)  But I didn’t have to redefine my parenting techniques, and I didn’t have to redefine the dreams I had for my son.  I still hope one day he will be happy and successful at whatever he chooses to pursue as a career.  I still hope that he finds love - be it just loving and trusting himself or someone else.  I still dream of holding my grandchild for the first time (HOWEVER that grandchild comes into our family - adoption, a surrogate, whatever!)  What dreams did this woman on Oprah have for her daughter that she was so broken upon hearing her daughter was a lesbian?

Do I worry about the bigotry my son might receive because of who he might choose to love?  Yes, I do.  When I hear of gay teens committing suicide, I cry.  I want to hug their parents, I want to see the people that tormented them punished, but I won’t let it define my son.  I won’t request of him that he hide who he is because some people are ignorant.

There are a few guys Corey is friends with that are straight, and I am happy that there are young men in high school to see beyond the labels.  They like or dislike Corey for who he is, not because of his sexual orientation.  But there are some kids, girls included, that still think calling him and other gay students names and ridiculing them is cool.  It’s still accepted… well, it isn’t cool.  Just like it isn’t cool for Corey to call you names because you aren’t gay.  (Is there a straight slur?  I dont’ know!) My son doesn’t shove his preference in your face.  He doesn’t demand special treatment because he is gay.  He just wants what everyone else wants - to be able to live his life without punishment for being who he is.

I don’t understand what standing in the hallway and calling my son, or any gay student, a queer, or the “F” word (hate that word!) does for you?  I don’t get the humor in it.  Corey understands that not every young man is gay.  He isn’t going to seek to convert someone because he thinks that person is cute… and yet, somehow just the simple fact of him being gay means it is ok to call him a name.

My oldest son is gay.  I say I am proud of him, not because he is gay (that’s just who he is), but because he didn’t feel the need to hide who he was.  He doesn’t walk around screaming he is gay, but he doesn’t hide it if asked either.  He is more comfortable in his skin at 16 than some people are at my age, and for that Roy and I are very proud.  I am proud that Joe and Addi (Hayden and Dean are still too young, though Hayden does know what being gay means) don’t see this as something that needs to be defended, it just simply is.  Corey might bring home a young man one day, and we might like him, we might love him, or he might suck. Just like the young women the other boys may bring home one day.

Addi told me that one of the neighborhood kids made fun of him by saying, “You’re brother is gay.”

Addi’s response… “Ok, and?" 

That’s it, that’s all he said.  I like that Addi didn’t feel the need to get righteous or overly defensive, he just knew that all that kid was doing was stating a fact.  Bravo!

As their mother, my first thought will ALWAYS be to defend my sons.  At the same time I know that no matter what their sexual preference, the boys will find someone out there that won’t like them, and the best I can hope for is that Roy and I have given them the tools to deal with that.

I think, for the most part, Corey shakes off the ignorance.  He understands that not everyone is accepting, even in 2011, but he also knows who he is.  He knows that standing up for yourself, doens’t always mean confronting those that wrong you, because sometimes the ignorance is just too deep.  He understands that sometimes that hatred comes from young people not being able to accept who THEY are, and really has nothing to do with him, but it also isn’t his job to force someone else to confront what they might be hiding.

Being the parent of a teenage, or even a young adult, that is gay, doesn’t mean your dreams for them must take a different path.  And I still wonder what dreams you have for your child that they can not accomplish if they are gay.  All it means is that maybe your son’s partner might be named Christopher and not Christina. 

Or perhaps I should say… that’s all it means to me.

Corey was almost 14 when he came out to us. And since then, I think we’ve  learned a few things.  I type this not to imply that we know it all, or that we can fix all the problems out there. No, I post this because I believe strongly that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean, Corey needs to be parented differently.

I recently read a blog post that reminded me a bit of where Roy and I were almost 8 years ago.  And parts of it, well it upset me.

Let me explain:

I’ve never viewed being gay as something that needed to be fixed.  It’s simply one part of who Corey is.  We don’t see him as our gay son (just as Joe, Addi, Hayden and Dean aren’t our straight sons).  He is simply one of our sons.

Sure, I worried that he might be the victim of bullying, prejudiced or ignorance, but guess what-I worry about that for my other boys too.

Another thing I learned was to be respectful of how he wanted to tell his friends about this.  Writing about it on my blog wasn’t going to happen, until he expressed to me that he was cool with it.  I wasn’t going to mention it to causal acquaintances, until he expressed that he was cool with it.  NOT because we were ashamed, but because frankly, it’s nobody’s business.  Just like it isn’t anybody’s business who the other boys are dating.

I learned, very quickly, that preconceived notions are ridiculous.  Corey isn’t gay because he likes musicals.  Not does his being gay mean he doesn’t like sports. Not all gay men wear eyeliner and are effeminate.  Just like not all straight men wear flannel and like football.  Homosexuals come in all shapes, sizes and colors-and to pigeonhole something as a gay attribute, well that is just silly.

I learned that letting him set the tone was helpful in him becoming more confident and secure about who he was.  On the other hand, doesn’t that hold true for most of us?  We weren’t going to drag him to a gay pride parade anymore than I was going to send him to church camp to ‘cure him.’

We learned that we would like some of his boyfriends, and not like others.  Just as we would like some of the boys’ girlfriends and dislike others.

We learned that the dreams we had/have for our son didn’t change because he might marry John instead of Jane.  We want him to be happy, to be a productive member of society and to know that we always have his back.  NOT because he is gay and we feel he needs to be protected more, but because he is our son, and knowing you have a strong support system is important.

I learned that reading a book isn’t going to teach me anything, but listening to my son will.  Because just like not all straight people are the same, neither are all gay people.

But most importantly, I learned that if Roy and I didn’t make a big deal about it, Corey would learn that it wasn’t.  Being gay isn’t what defines him, just like being straight isn’t what defines me, or Roy.  It’s simply a part of who he is. I can’t make the world accept him for being gay, just like I can’t make the world accept everything about the other boys.  What I can do is make him understand that he is our son-not our gay son-but our son.  And that we love him.

Ok, no, I’m not singing that old school jam by Naughty by Nature.

As many of you know, our oldest son is gay, and I often talk about that here.  I do so for a number of reasons - it’s a part of our life, I have strong beliefs when it comes to the LGBT community and their rights, I’m proud of Corey for being secure in his convictions, etc.  It’s a topic I am passionate about, and so I share our experiences.  Do we have all the answers?  Of course not, our son is only 17, but I do know how we have dealt with this up until now.  

I wonder if perhaps I come across as ‘preachy,’ though I try not too.  I realize not everyone believes as we do. Some have convictions just as strong, and they rest on the opposite side of the fence.  Though I don’t agree with the idea that homosexuality is a sin, I wouldn’t come right out and tell someone they are wrong and that they are going to hell for their beliefs.

But I am writing today because I was accused of looking for applause.  I was told that perhaps I am seeking a pat on the back because I think I am 'doing the right thing.’

Well, let me say this… yes, I am proud. I’m proud that my husband and I raised our son to know his own mind.  To be secure and strong in his beliefs. I’m proud that he knew that telling Roy and I wouldn’t change the way we felt about him, and so he told us as soon as he knew his own mind.

I’m proud that in sharing our experiences here I have gotten some responses from the LGBT community telling me that Roy and I are doing ok.  That some of the choices we have made with our son, are a good thing.  That put my mind at ease.

I’m proud that the family we have told have reacted simply and matter of factly.  I know that Corey was worried about telling grandparents.

I’m proud that Corey has sought out and found friends - of both sexes - that could care less about his sexual orientations.  Something I am very happy about as kids this age (6-18), especially young men, can be very cruel especially if they aren’t sure of their own sexual orientation.

I’m proud of the younger boys (Joe is 16, Addi is almost 13, Hayden is almost 8, and Dean is 4) for understanding that Corey being gay is just a part of who and what he is.  It isn’t a big deal to them.

I’m proud that one of the few times someone said something to the younger boys about Corey, they responded intelligently and did not let the situation escalate into violence.

So, back to the original question - am I looking for plaudits?  Applause?  Pats on the back?  

From one person.  I only care that that one person knows we are doing our best.  I only want approval (or criticisms if need be) from one person.  I only want a hug and a thank you from one person.

Our son.

I have listened to, seen, read, and heard a lot about gay families lately.  States want the right to block adoptions by gay couples (won’t even get into what bull crap this is!), but what I have found so lovely to read are stories about families with gay children where things are just… normal.

I read an article on the Huffington Post about a young man that dated his partner for over two years before finally getting up the courage to come out to his parents.  His partner simply loved him and was there for him, but his parents… they just wanted him to be happy.  His extended family joked around with his partner, ribbed him, played football with him, and just welcomed him as they would any other boyfriend/girlfriend.  Things were normal.

A young man tells his story of being raised by two mothers - they fought, they punished him when he was bad, helped him with his homework… it was normal.

A video of a young couple telling their two dads that they are going to be grandpas goes viral.  In it the almost grandpas hug their kids, give them kisses, and dance for joy… again, normal (well, maybe not the dancing part).

But I don’t see a lot about parenting a gay child.  I hear a lot about how things changed once their kids came out, how dreams had to be rewritten (still waiting for some explanation on this)…  and to all of that I say BULL s**T!  

My son hasn’t changed - he is still the smart, funny, handsome 17 year old I have always known and loved (though he came out to us about three years ago).  He is annoying sometimes, asks silly questions sometimes (ok a lot), and fights with his brothers sometimes.

We still hope he finds someone that will love him deeply and without reservation.  I still hope to one day hold his child and spoil them indulgently.  I hope to see him achieve his dreams.  He is still our son.

Because we accept him, his brothers accept him - without reservation.  Hayden teases him about finding a boyfriend, Addi defends him against ignorant kids, and Joe just loves him.  Dean likes Joe better (I always tease them about this), but that’s because Joe plays Angry Birds with him (not the video game, but real life Angry Birds with obstacles throughout our house).  (Let me be clear here… Dean adores Corey, but, at Dean’s age, he is a bit fickle. So Joey can be his favorite one moment and then Corey at others - especially when Corey takes him to the store and gets him little treats as he often does)

So, to all the parents of gay teens, here is my Christmas Gift to you:

Your kids love you.  Gay or straight, they are still your child.  Love them, be there for them, and remember that nothing has changed.  Perhaps you don’t support gay marriage, maybe you think being gay is wrong, and yet, despite that, you were blessed with a child that needs and loves you.  I won’t preach religions. We all have our own beliefs.  The one thing I do know for sure is being gay hasn’t changed who my son is. I hope your child being gay doesn’t change how you feel about him/her.

I will step off my soapbox for now.

I just finished reading a post on Blogher that well, I found a tad insulting.

And before I begin let me say this, there’s nothing wrong with having an opinion different than the person next to you.  There’s nothing wrong with sharing that opinion, but sometimes how you phrase things can make a world of difference.

Basically, this mother is saying she refuses to let her children attend (the children in question are 7, 9 and 12) sleepovers because she doesn’t trust other parents.

Though I think that is overly simplistic.  It’s fine to be leery of people you don’t know, but to say you don’t trust a person you don’t know is hmm…what’s the right word here?  Silly, ridiculous…I don’t know.  I’m not saying you have to trust the person down the road with your life, but if they haven’t done anything to make you not trust them, well, what the heck if the problem?

I always thought trust was earned.  It was something I gave someone because they’ve shown me they are trustworthy.  It isn’t something you have from me, until you lose it.  If I don’t know you, my trust was never yours to lose in the first place!  On the other hand, children are by nature social creatures.  They want to run, jump and play-and I completely dig that my children HAVE friends, so guess what…I make it a point to know their parents.  Will I ever know every sordid little detail about them?  NO, but guess what I don’t know every sordid little detail about my husband and my parents either!  And my husband and my parents are three of the people I trust most in this world-the other three being my inlaws and my sister…and guess what?  I don’t know all their dirty secrets either!

See, I learned a long time ago to trust my gut when it came to my kids.  If something felt off, I listened, and it has served me well.  Have my kids led mistake free, perfect lives..heck no, but guess what?  I think they are doing just fine, despite all of that.

And let’s move on to the next issue.  The author basically said she is leery of teenage boys, unless she knows you.  Umm…I bet all those women who were married to men that abused their children thought they knew their husband’s too!  Am I being bitchy?  Probably, but to live under the assumption that it’s only the people you DO NOT know that you have to worry about, is ridiculous, especially when most cases of rape/molestation the victim knew their attacker.  (I am not positive of the statistic, but when I visited the rape counseling center, I think it was something like 57%)  It is also ridiculous if not downright insulting to assume that it’s ONLY teenage boys you need to worry about.  

It’s ridiculous to assume that a home with two gay fathers/mother’s is MORE sketchy than a home with a more ‘traditional’ set of parents.

I personally, don’t care if you don’t let your kid come to my house for playdates, or sleepevers-less work for me.  But I WOULD be insulted if the reason is because you don’t trust me, especially if you don’t even know me well enough to make that call.

Perhaps it’s simply semantics or wording-it isn’t the fact that you dont’ trust me, it’s that you don’t KNOW me.  Ok, so get to know me, get to know the parents of the kids your children like to play with-seems like common sense to me.

But what I worry about as a mom, is putting my own fears, my own hang ups on my children.  I was sexually assaulted at the age of 17.  Was it my fault?  No, but I would be lying if I said that I willingly put myself into a bad spot.  And because of that experience, I wonder if a part of me isn’t happy I don’t have girls.  I wonder if I had a daughter/s if I would be MORE protective of them.  Would I put my experiences onto them, and hold them to a different standard than my boys?

Sitting here, right now, I don’t think I would, mainly because I don’t raise cowards. Again, bitchy, probably, but it’s the truth.  I’m not going to raise my children to fear the unknown, or to live in fear because something happened to me.  I’m not going to deny my children a new experience because something MIGHT happen.  If we want to play that game, why are public schools still open?  Why do we still let teenagers drive?  Why do we still sell guns to private citizens?

Life happens, and as much as you want to protect your children, sheltering them isn’t always the answer.  Saying you trust no one and living as if the boogie man is around every corner creates young adults that are being sent out into the world with a skewed view of said world.  It’s setting them up for a life of solitude and fear.  Is that a guarantee?  Of course not, but I’m willing to bet if you don’t teach your kids HOW to trust they are gonna have some issues!

This is for the Stay at Home Dads too. Please don’t think I’ve forgotten you!

I am a frequent reader of BlogHer, and I just read a very interesting post.  A young mother believes she was born without the mom gene. 

Now let’s clarify… from what I can gather after reading her post, she believes the ‘mom gene’ means that you are overly involved in your children’s lives; that you live to put them first; that once you become a mom, being a woman is secondary.

Umm… nope. Or rather THIS particular mom disagrees.  I’m a stay at home mom, but for all intents and purposes, that was a practical decision.  I used to coach swimming full time. I loved it, so don’t get me wrong… but it was hard work. There was a time I worked over 6 weeks straight… no days off.  My hours weren’t traditional 9-5, but the hours I did work (usually 3-8) were spent running up and down a damp, cold pool deck, demonstrating strokes to kids, yelling at them to get moving, etc.  Swim meets were all day, sometimes all weekend affairs. And, on Sunday night, my voice was usually gone from all the cheering and yelling.  I was good at my job. The kids liked and respected me. And I recognized them for who they were.

But one day, I was running late.  Hayden was about 13 months old, and I was weaning him off the breast.  He was crying and simply didn’t want to go to Daddy. I held him as long as I could, but then I had no choice but to hand him to Roy. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I saw a tiny hand appear on the window beside our front door. And then a little face peered out. Hayden had dried his tears, and toddled over to wave at me.  I felt the tears come.  I had a long drive to work at this point, about 45 minutes, and that entire time I asked myself what would make me happier.

About two weeks later, I was driving home with the two older boys, and my tire blew out. 

We got the tire fixed a few days later, and that night Roy came over to me, “Look, it’s your choice. Whatever you want to do you know I support you. But, if this will help, it’s costing us money for you to continue to work.”

I don’t know if I was looking for an excuse, but rather at that point, the pros and cons of continuing to work were pretty evenly split.  However, gas prices were rising, and with the tire blowing out on my way home, that month I was paying out of pocket to drive myself into the ground.  Every night, I came home as Roy was finishing up dinner with the boys. Homework had already been done, and sometimes my baby had already fallen asleep. 

My choice was made.  Soon thereafter, I turned in my notice, and when they found someone to take my place, I helped her as much as I could for a few weeks, but then that was it. 

I loved my job and contributing to those swimmers’ abilities… and, for many, their futures. But, I loved being with my family more. Sure, I could have continued working, and continued to lose money just to be away from my husband, kids, and home. And it boils down to that. In most cases, we can’t have it all. Even if they offered extra pay, I would still miss the many moments I didn’t want to miss with my family. And, of course, I’d rather hear my own kids fuss, than listen to the swim team and their families fuss.

My sister recently asked my advice about her career path. She is a single mom.  

“Something will have to give.  YOU need to ask yourself what you are okay sacrificing.”

That was my advice to her.  And it’s silly for women/men to push themselves to TRY and have it all.  You might be able to hold it together for a little while, but we simply aren’t capable of pulling our s**t together day after day, forever. 

And you know what?  So what!

If your house is a mess sometimes (hell, mine is most of the time!), but your kids are happy, are you going to be embarassed by a messy house or proud that you have happy kids?

Ask yourself, which is more important?

I stay home, but I’m not a 'helicopter mom.’ I don’t do daily crafts with my boys. We don’t take themed family pictures for every holiday. My oldest son just got a tattoo. And my husband and I have them!

I don’t feel the need to police what my boys do 24/7. I don’t follow them on their dates, so I can take pictures (Yes, I know someone that does that). My house doesn’t have a theme running through it (unless you count chaos as a theme). And my kitchen floor has a weird sticky spot on it that I have not cleaned up yet (It’s only been there a few hours, people…).

But we have food in the house, the boys have clean clothes, they know they can count on Roy and I, and they know we love them.

I asked myself which mattered more… and I’m cool with my choices. And there are no more sad faces at the window as I drive off. 

-this post has been syndicated on BlogHer-

I am so thrilled to know that there are parents out there that don’t care if their son/daughter is gay/straight.  Keep that mentality. 

My son is 17 and is gay.  He is proud of who he is, we are proud of who he is, but it is more than just saying… “We accept you for who you are.”

NOT everyone is as accepting.  Not everyone is tolerant.  Yes, there are jerks out there, and as the mother of a gay young man, that scares me.  It scares me to think that my son might get hurt because, in someone’s eyes, he loves the wrong person.  It scares me to think that one day he might have to defend his choices, and might pay a high price for doing so.

So parents, if you think your child might be gay, it’s great to say that you don’t care; you will love them no matter what.  You should!  But please remember, they might need more than your acceptance, so make sure you are there to give it if they need it.

There’s a ‘letter’ going around the net that says something like this:

Dear Son,

I heard you talking to Mark last night about planning to come out to us. No need, we know you are gay, and the only thing I want you to plan is to bring home bread and OJ after class.

Love, Dad

PS: Your mom and I think you and Mark make a cute couple.

I say letter in quotes because I don’t know if it’s real or just a nice sentiment.  And I’ve written about this before, but someone shared that letter with me on FB.  I’m assuming because our oldest, Corey, is a young gay man.  So, I want to say this.

It’s awesome that people are so accepting.  Roy and I had no issues with Corey being gay, but we would be irresponsible parents if we said, that we thought nothing of it.

Now, let me clarify.  We didn’t care that his significant other’s name might be Jack instead of Jill.  We didn’t care that when it came time for children, his would most likely be adopted.  It didn’t bother us that he was gay, but we would be lying if we said there were NO issues.

We worried that others, especially in our smaller town, wouldn’t be so accepting.  And knowing Corey (he can be a hothead, just like his mom) he might NOT be so willing to turn the other cheek.  If things escalated, it would then be branded a hate crime, rather than kids fighting-a whole different ballgame.  Or it COULD be a hate crime, maybe Corey was just being a jerk that day, who knows!

We had to educate ourselves on gay sex (for lack of a better term) and we made sure to do so, because we weren’t willing to let our son be a statistic.

We had to watch how our son behaved, and this part was tricky.  Roy and I are pretty affectionate with each other and the kids.  We tell them we love them, and hug them all the time, but there comes a time when getting that love from a partner becomes important as well.  And in our small town there is no booming 'gay scene.’ No nightclubs for them to dance at, hell no clubs period! He didn’t have to seek out affection.  It might be harder in high school, but as he gets older and spreads his wing he would have more chances to meet people. 

We had to do our part in helping him accept and become comfortable and then proud of who he was.   Being gay isn’t necessarily what makes Roy and I proud of Corey, but being confident in who he is-that fills us with pride.

We had to teach him that being gay wasn’t something to apologize for.  It’s who he is-simple as that.

I didn’t have to teach myself or adjust my expectations for him because let’s get real.  My expectation for him wasn’t that he would be a straight man, have a job that pays well, that he would marry and have kids, etc, etc.  No, we wanted him to work hard in school, we wanted him to find a career that would make him happy and allow him to earn a living, and we want him to ultimately find that one person that he wants to come home to and share his day with, maybe raise children with.

I’m not saying being the parent of a gay child means my life is different or unmanageable, in fact it’s no different than being the parent of a straight child. On the other hand, the things we might worry about ARE different.

What I wonder is this: are parents under so much outside pressure to accept their gay child that they take it a step further and become SO accepting they pretend that they have NO worries?  

Because that isn’t doing your child any good either.

I’ll step off my soap box now.

Sooo, I make a pact with myself to spend more time giving in to my feelings of restlessness when it comes to writing…and than I don’t write for four day?  Go figure!

It could be because our timeline got moved up.

What timeline you ask?

Well, I’ll tell ya,  Hayden is a Freshman this year, Dean is in fifth grade-so he’ll start middle school next year, and Roy works about 60 miles from home. NOT horrible, until you factor in rush hour traffic.  Sometimes, Roy gets into the office in an hour an a half, sometimes it take twice that-my goal was to move the summer before Hayden’s junior year.  That would give him two years at a new high school, Dean would have two years at the middle school before moving into HS, but my husband is beat.  With the new position he accepted, he’s going in almost daily-and I know it’s hard on him.  So, we’re looking to move in just a few months!

Ugh, I said it out loud

We’ve been here so long, I forgot why I dislike the process.  Getting the house ready, finding a new house…and than there’s THE PURGE.

I decided to start small, something no one could have any say over-my closet.  I listed items on ebay, I put aside items for a yard sale-and felt accomplished until I looked at my closet.  Pretty sure it looks no different.  When did I accumulate so much stuff?  

To be fair, Roy’s side of the closet looks similar.  I tell the man he needs to purge and he gives me two t-shirts-out of the 50 he owns-though he only wears about 10.  He has a t-shirt that he wears constantly (I wash it, he wears it-vicious cycle) that I can see through-I kid you not.  It didn’t start out like that, he just wears it constantly!  To boot-it says Grooveshark (does anyone even remember what that is?) and he got it for free!  Not that there’s anything wrong with promotional swag-I love my pens, but when it’s starting to disintegrate, maybe it’s time to move on?

Now, for my case I realized I have way to many shirts with goofy sayings.  Some I bought for the specific purpose of basketball games-I have a few with sayings, or Hayden’s number, etc.  But most say ridiculous things like, “More Tacos please.”  I’m not sure why I need three shirts that say that-especially when all are just different shades of grey.  

And you’d think when the shirts hold no real sentimental value it would be easy to let go of-apparently, it is not.  You never know when you might find yourself in desperate need of tacos and maybe you’ve lost your voice?  I don’t know…

And let’s not even get in to my legging collection.  Now, in the winter I do wear them-daily for the most part.  I wear tunics and leggings, or a sweater and leggings, etc.  They’re warm and cute-the more colorful the better!  But I’m short, so specific brands fit me best-so why do I have pair after pair that are too big? 

I think there was a time when I bought clothes to make myself happy-I was feeling out of sorts, sad-and when I worked through that-I was left with a packed closet.  And so, THE PURGE commenced.

I truly hope the kitchen isn’t like this-or you’ll find me crying in the shower…