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The Curse of Social Media

Social Media is great. I use it as a way to see what my kids are doing-yes, they live with us, no they don’t always tell us everything. I can keep in touch with my Mom, Roy’s parents, friends that live on the other side of the country, and of course who can forget the latest celebrity gossip.

But Social media can also be a curse.  Put something out into the void that is the net, and you’re inviting others to judge. If I make a comment about the latest episode of The Voice chances are someone out there is going to disagree with me. If I put something up about the fact that our son is gay, I’m opening myself up for someone to make a comment about his choices in life or about the fact that Roy and I support his decision to be open and honest about who he is.

And this doesn’t just extend to blogs, Facebook is the same way.  You post a status update, and you give people the ‘right’ to judge you based on your words.  Is it fair?  Probably not, but it’s going to happen.

If you make a comment that…you can’t make your rent and car payment, but then turn around and post pictures of you at an amusement park…people are going to wonder.  If their vicious, they’re going to wonder what the hell you’re doing  hamming it up with cartoon characters when you can’t pay your rent.  If they’re willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, they’re going to simply wonder if everything is ok. And people might not question you, they might not care, but then again some very well might wonder what’s up, and they might even say something about it.

I suppose this goes along the lines of don’t judge a book by it’s cover, but then 'studies’ turn around and tell us that humans are by their very nature, visual creatures.  Seems to contradict what we are told we shouldn’t do-IF we are visual, how can we not make snap judgments based on what we see, and to some smaller extent what we hear?

I would guess the next question is-is that right?  Is it fair to make snap judgments? A part of me wants to say of course it isn’t-the part that runs to the store in ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt because I’m too tired to get gussied up. Another part of me, perhaps the vain part, understands that people make snap judgments based on what they see, and I make attempts to look nice-I fix my hair, wear nice clothes, put on some makeup-all because I know I’m going to be judged based on how I look.

Isn’t that how we 'pick’ our significant other?  Or at least pick the ones that we might give a chance?  The first time I saw Roy-I took in his height, the width of his shoulders, the kindness in his blue eyes, and the warmth of his smile-If I hadn’t liked what I saw, I would have been nice when he flirted with me, but I would have made sure he knew that friendship was all I had to offer.

On our first date, I took in the nice jeans, the button up shirt, and the easy laugh.  I walked out of my parents’ house to a (so very cool) Bronco-Nice car, clean, well maintained.

And I made a judgment call-he took care of himself (from what I could see), he cared for his possessions (in my mind that meant he was able to accept responsibility), he was polite (to my parents) and….he was handsome.

I made all these calls with little more than what I’d seen and the little that I’d heard, and because I believed in myself-I trusted my eyes, my ears, and my heart-I felt that was enough to at least try.

On the other hand, I’ve dismissed people based on what I’ve seen too-sometimes it was warranted  and sometimes I was unfair in my snap judgments.

So, while I can dismiss a slovenly appearance, I find it harder to dismiss the words people put out there. And I wonder if I’m being unfair?

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Lost (an Affliction novel; book 1).

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