I’ve been told by numerous people, read many articles, and even wondered myself if it was smart to consider Roy my best friend. This all came to a head a few years ago when we went through something that tested our marriage-I was furious with him, and yet when I’m upset he’s the person I go to. For advice, comfort, or just a sympathetic ear.  HOW could I do that when I was so mad at him?

That situation shed a light on what was lacking in my life-female friends, so I put myself out there and made some. 

And yet, if I look at my marriage, REALLY look at it, I would be lying if I said, Roy wasn’t ALSO my best friend.  Now, that isn’t the only niche he fills. He is my husband, the father of our children, he provides for us, cares for us. He’s my lover, and if I didn’t believe in them before, I do now-my soul mate.

BUT, he’s also my best friend. Best friends argue, we fight, and sometimes we don’t speak for a time-I do all that with Roy.

He’s my confidant, my ally, and though we don’t always agree, I NEVER for one second doubt that he has my back, and I believe he feels the same way about me.

About five years ago, we went down to my inlaws for a quick visit, and I got very sick. So sick, Roy had to rush me to the ER. Once we got back to their house, and he had tucked me into bed for some sleep, he went downstairs. Hours later I woke up and was about to leave the room when I heard him talking to his mother. She expressed worry that Roy and I didn’t have more friends, that we rarely did things without the other. She worried that should something happen to one of us the other would be crushed-and while I understand her worry, I kinda wanted to say, "NO DUH.“

I LOVE my husband. I love him more today than I did 18 years ago, and I have no doubt I will love him more tomorrow. After almost 20 years together, he still does things that surprises me. Seeing his smile, hearing his laughter, still gives me butterflies, and now it’s even better, because I know what to expect, I know what’s in store for me. IF something every happened to him, I would be crushed-that’s a given.

But I also know that I have family and friends I could turn too. I know that I would get the love and support I needed, and the same for him.

Perhaps we are lucky, in that we have such a close marriage. Maybe I simply hit the jackpot when I said yes.

I was reading something the other day about a couple that literally splits everything down the middle.  Married for a year, they will have a waitress split their check. At the grocery store-half on one card, half on the other. Electric, cable, rent, etc, etc-all 50/50. They even take separate vacations.

My knee jerk response was-huh? Does she have a husband or a really cool roommate that’s willing to chip in?

My secondary response was-Hey, Chris-that’s not cool. If it works for them, who are you to judge?

And then a young woman put it pretty clearly.

Someone blasted everyone that didn’t agree with the author. This reader does the same thing with her husband-everything down the middle. She goes on to say some vacations she wants to take her husband isn’t interested in, and vice versa. That marriage isn’t about money-it’s about communication and trust. She says her money is just that, HER money.

So another young lady comments:

You say it’s about trust, and yet you don’t even trust him with your bank account info?

Good point.

But surprisingly what stuck out to me was the separate vacation thing. Being a stay at home mom, our marriage has a different fundamental. Without Roy paying for almost everything-we have nothing. Ok-there are lots of two income families, so not combining finances isn’t that foreign to me.  That being said, even when I did work Roy never said much about the money I earned. It was never all that much, certainly no where near what he earns-so that old adage-what’s her’s is hers and what’s mine is hers. He laughs it off.

BUT, I couldn’t imagine vacationing without my husband!  I just don’t get that. Sure, maybe Disneyworld wasn’t his first choice, but making me and the boys happy makes it worth it for him.

No, our initial cruise wasn’t my first choice, but I wanted to give it a shot for Roy and the boys-and though I LOVED it, had it just been 'ok,’ it would have created some amazing memories for me, because my guys had so much fun.

Are Beer festivals my first choice for a day out with Roy?  No, but HE loves them, and I love experiencing something that he is passionate about with him.

Does Roy care if I buy some clothes online?  NO, but he gamely watches me model them and offers advice because he likes making me smile.

Think back to a few days ago, when Lady Gaga fails to mention her fiance. Many people thought it was no big deal, and yet THAT is the person you have chosen to share your life with-isn’t winning that award a major milestone in your life?  I have written a few books, it took me years to get the courage to put an entire story down on paper. Even longer to tell my family, "Hey! I did it.“ Roy didn’t help me write it, but he was there encouraging me every step of the way.

On a lesser note, it’s that same mentality of some women hating when their partner says, "We’re pregnant.” He isn’t carrying the baby, why does he get the glory?  

Simple, he was there, and if he’s truly your partner, he will be there every step of the way.

Marriage has never been truly about compromise-in most situation someone gives in-whether it be a little or a lot.  Marriage is often about sacrifice, and yet when you are with someone that’s worth the sacrifice-it never feels as if you are giving up a thing.

I remember reading something a few years ago:

Just because YOU don’t think there’s a problem, doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem.

Basically the author meant that in a relationship-whether it be a marriage, dating, friendship, parenting, whatever-if ONE person thinks there’s a problem-there’s a problem.

It might be as simple as a misunderstanding.  I thought Roy was being a jerk, but he was just kidding around.  At the very least he didn’t get the joke across and now I am offended.

And I try to live by that.  Just because I didn’t mean to hurt someone’s feelings doesn’t meant I didn’t.

Just because I didnt’ mean to annoy you, doesn’t mean I didn’t.

And to be honest, most of the time things can be cleared up with a simple, I’m sorry.

One thing that bugs the crap out of me is spoilers.  (No, I’m not changing topics, bear with me.) Now, at certain times I don’t mind…I might even read in depth reviews of a certain movie, but not everyone is like me.  So on FB the other day, a woman gave away a HUGE plot point of a movie that had literally come out that very same day.  A number of people called her on it.

Comments ranged from, NO…why did you give it away?  To, wow you are the worst person ever…you suck.

Now, of course she isn’t the worst person ever, but the fact remains that a lot of people were annoyed.  And when she read said comments her response was…

“God all you people are stupid, it’s just a movie.”

Well, a number of people left the mommy group that this was posted on. And again, the person that posted the spoiler doesn’t seem to realize that it was probably more about her inability to simply say, “Oops, my bad.  Sorry” and refrain from insulting people, as opposed to the fact that she posted a spoiler in the first place.

And that’s the kicker for me.  NOT everyone thinks the same way, not everyone functions the same way.  And in the end, especially if it’s nothing more than a simple misunderstand, what does it cost you to apologize to clear the air?

I’m not talking about a serious issue-if you cheat on your spouse, chances are a simple “Sorry” isn’t going to be enough.

But, if your spouse thinks you are flirting, and you hurt their feeling….what’s more important?  Proving them wrong, or trying to understand what hurt their feelings in the first place so that you can discuss it and move forward?

No, Roy does not flirt with random women in front of me and he has never cheated on me…but that was an easy example to illustrate my point.

What also gets my goat is that often times the very people that can’t admit any wrong doing on their part are often the same people that scream, “WHOA is me!” when they are the ‘victim’ of a slight. 

Hypocrisy is just as annoying as spoilers.

I realize, during each vacation we take, how lucky we are.  It might be something little-taking the travel trailer to our favorite campground for a few days, or a bigger undertaking like a week cruise-but there are moments during every trip, where I look around and realize how amazing my life is. And I want to take this moment to say, that I know this, I get it.  I know we are lucky that Roy has the job he does, I know how hard he works to give the boys and I the very best-I know and see the long hours he works, the sacrifices he makes and the things he misses.  I see it, and I hope he knows how much I appreciate it.

Often on these trips, my moment of pure joy takes a very obvious form.  One time it was during our cruise that took us to the Cayman. We had done our research and decided to take a trip to Stingray City-and it was amazing!  The kids all carefully slid into the warm water, they gamely posed for photos with the giant rays.  We fed them, and I looked around and knew this was a moment we would remember for years.

Once it was during one of our hottest days at Disneyworld, Roy and I noticed the tent was just full of moisture, and of course Dean’s bed was soaked.  So, we sat in the laundry room at 11 PM.  Laughing about the heat, and he kissed me as I sat on the changing table.  I laid my head on his chest and just sighed happily.

During out last family cruise, we got to spend the day at Royal Caribbean’s private Island.  Roy and Addi had climbed to top of a huge inflatable water slide, I was helping Dean and Hayden climb onto a see saw, and just as I fell off of it, I noticed Roy and Addi racing down the slide-this was an amazing life!

But this last trip, my moment came at an unexpected time.  The first four days of our five day couples cruise was amazing!  Roy and I danced, we ate, we swam in the beautiful waters of the Bahamas.  We snorkeled in Nassau.  We laughed, we kissed, we held hands, and at each turn I felt more blessed and connected to my partner of almost two decades.

And then on our last day I got sick.  Now, I tried valiantly to shrug it off as queasiness.  And for a time it came and went, but around 4 I couldn’t shake it off.

“I’m going to be sick.” I told Roy, as we made our way to the cafe. 

He took my hand and led me to a table near the rest room, "Sit here. Bathroom is there if you need it, let me see what I can find.“

He went searching for something for me to eat-crackers, toast anything to try to calm my rolling stomach.  We sat for awhile, as I choked down bread- no dice.

"I need to lay down.” I told him.  

He assured me he would be fine, and that he would come check on me at the time I requested.  I wanted him to enjoy his last day, and I hated that I couldn’t be there with him.

And sure enough about 45 minutes later, I heard our cabin door open.

“Baby, how you feeling?” He came over and kissed my forehead.  I nodded and said, I felt better. Stood up, and lost it.  I ran into the bathroom, and got sick.  

And that night, Roy did all he could to get me to keep something down. He ran up three flights of stairs in search of the blandest dinner he could find.  He brought loaded plates for himself as well, and we had dinner in the room-which would have been incredibly romantic and fun if I didn’t feel like crap.

When he didn’t think I was eating enough, he told me to tell him what I thought would work. I croaked out toast and he was off again-returning with toast and some hot tea this time.  He emptied out our trashcan and put it by the bed for me in case I couldn’t make it to the bathroom (aren’t you excited about all these details) and rubbed my back as I struggled to find a position that let me relax.

I finally got comfortable, "Why don’t you go?“ I told him.

I hate Roy seeing me sick. Sickness is a sign of weakness, and I hate thinking I’m weak. (RIDICULOUS thought process, I know, but I get emotional when ill).

Finally, I convinced him to go watch a comedy show.  He put on dancing with the stars for me, and I laid as still as humanly possible.  I dozed off, and heard him come back in.  Seeing I was asleep, he kissed my sweaty brow, and sat with me a bit, eventually creeping out to get some pizza.

When he came back and settled down for the night, he urged me to drink, cleaned up vomit, and never once made me feel like I was grossing him out.

And after getting sick for the upmteenth time, and shuffling back to our bed, I looked at my husband’s back, and I kissed it. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I had my moment. We had both packed a lot into the first few days-and were exhausted, but as soon as he got the idea that I wasn’t up to par, that I needed him-there he was running up and down flights of stairs, hunting down toast for me, cleaning the bathroom. And then I knew, he wouldn’t let me drive home the next day.  So, he would have hours of driving, all the while wondering if I was ok and comfortable.

When I woke up the next morning, and said I felt a bit better, I saw him visibly sigh with relief. He urged me to get dressed so that we could go get something to eat, and when we got there, he told me to sit down and he would get me breakfast-nope he doesn’t stop.  As we got off the boat, we elected to carry our own luggage.  We just had the one large suitcase and our garment bag, which luckily had wheels.  Roy had his backpack, and the suitcase, which was HEAVY.  I had my purse and the garment bag, which was not as he had taken out a lot of what was in my purse to already lighten my load.

"Let me get that honey, ” He said trying to shuffle a 50 pound bag to his other hand. 

I squeezed his hand, and said I was ok, but that didn’t stop him from asking me two more times.  Each time we got a moment to just stand in line, he moved the bag aside, so I could lean against him.  He drove home for over 8 hours, taking it slow, asking if I needed to stop, never once complaining.

Ok, I lied-I didn’t have a moment I had days, as right now, I’m seeing him working in his office-plugging away, jumping right back into the thick of things.  He would hard to get things situated so that we would be free for a few days-I know he needed the break, as he’s been working 16 hours days trying to get ready for a huge project coming up. I watch him sleep (no, I’m not creepy) and I realize all he does, everything he does, is for us-for our family. He works his ass off to give us the type of life he wants us to have. 

He joked with me one day when I asked him how much he loved me, "Chris, you have no idea how into you I am.“

And yet he shows me-I drag him to the nightclub on the cruises because I love to dance, and he gamely goes. There are girls there-20 years younger than me, 25 pounds lighter, that don’t need industrial strength underwire to make their boobs perky-girls that I see watch him when he makes his way to the bar, and yet he’s oblivious to it all-those gorgeous blue eyes of his, still sparkle when he sees my smile, still search the crowds to land on me.

Our vacation was amazing, and we have wonderful memories from it, but I was reminded of just how amazing this man of mine really is-and that is something I will never forget.

Family is important to me.  Without going into details, growing up there were times when I feared my parents not believing in me.  Yes, I messed up, I made mistakes, but in the end it took me a long time to realize that those mistakes didn’t have to define me.  I wasn’t measured by my mistakes, they weren’t indicative of the person I am/was/and will become.

And now that I have children of my own, I’m happily married-this is how I see it.

I don’t want my children to EVER doubt whether or not I’m here for them.  I don’t want them to wonder if mom will turn tail and run the other way, leaving them to crawl out of whatever hole it is they dug without a helping hand.  

Now, to be clear, and we tell the boys the same thing-we aren’t here to fix all their problems.  If we do that we are doing them a disservice, especially the older boys who might very well be on their own sooner rather than later.  But we’ll help them, we’ll talk out a problem with them, we’ll talk to someone with them, etc.  And in the end, if they try their hardest to fix whatever problem they are having-if they give it 100% and still fall on their face…Mom and Dad is here to help them up again, because that’s life.  

You will hopefully have a lot of success in life, that’s what we want, but I also want boys that can hit the floor and still get up.  I want boys that might get knocked down, but they pull up their pants, and keep on fighting.  And I want them to understand, we are in their corner.

Sometimes being in their corner means helping them take responsibility for a mistake, and we are ok with that.  

But it also means cheering on their successes.  

And that bring me to my question:  IF someone consistently thought that any joy you celebrated was you rubbing it in their face, would you be ok with that?

yesterday, I shared my joy over our upcoming belated honeymoon-yep that’s what I’m calling it.  Our friends are happy for us. They know this is something we’ve been planning, and they are sharing in our excitement.

And isn’t that all we can ask for?  I wouldn’t rub my friends failures in their faces, and I won’t begrudge them their happiness, and I hope they do the same for us.

If they couldn’t do that….would you still be friends with them?

If not…what if the person that always points out your mistakes, they never let you live anything down..what if that person is family?

And on that same note…what if any joy you had…from the tiny (I lost 5 pounds) to the big (I lost 30+ pounds on my own!) was overlooked?

Now, I don’t need my ego stroked, I think I’m out of my formative ‘teen years’ and I’m genuinely happy with my life.  I have children that love me and cheer on my successes.  I have a husband that supports me-success or failure.  But most importantly, I’m happy being me.

And yet, there is a part of me that would love to pick up the phone, and be cheered on, as opposed to being reminded of that one time…I missed curfew…when I was 16….

Does it make a difference if the 'negative nelly’ is family?  Does that mean you need to put up with it?

There was a time when it was acceptable for a young woman’s dream to be a mother and a wife.  There was a time when it was ok for a young man to want what we now think of as a traditional lifestyle.

When did these things become a bad thing?

I’m not saying the general consensus is that people should strive for more than a family and a marriage, but there is the idea that ENCOURAGING young people to have ‘only’ those dreams is somehow wrong.

The other day on “Glee” (and I’m not saying Glee is the role model for healthy relationships) Rachel tells Finn (for this example it doesn’t truly matter if you know who I’m talking about) that if he doesn’t want to go to NYC (Her big dream) she is willing to wait and stay with him in Ohio.

A reviewer of the episode seemed offended by that.  She believes that the creators of the hit show are telling young woman that giving up your dream for a boy is the right thing to do.

I’m looking at it a bit differently. 

I mentioned in another post, that marriage isn’t really about compromise, it’s about sacrifice.  What people imply is a compromise in a relationship is often one person sacrificing what they want for whatever reason.  But if you look up the definition of these two words, well, I think people say compromise because it sounds better-whether it’s the right word or not.

Sacrifice implies a loser.  It implies that one person is the winner, for whatever reason.

But you know what…so what?

In the end, that’s what life is about.  Sacrifice, learning to make a decision based on a big picture rather than simply living for right here and now. 

And it seems to me, that we’ve gotten so focused on our kids 'reaching their potential.’ that we forget to tell them that the human element is just as important.

Reaching the 'top’ is wonderful, but do you do so at the cost of love, family and friendship?

Is it worth it to 'be the best’ if you have no one by your side to celebrate with?  How much worse would the failures be if you have no on there to hold your hand, no one to turn to?

What will it do to our children if we push them down a road that is only filled with heartache?

Look, I’m not saying settle, I don’t believe that is necessary for anyone, but I don’t think a young woman/man willing to sacrifice for someone they love means they are giving up on their dreams.

I think it means they realize that they aren’t the center of the world. 

I like to think ,and perhaps I am naive, that Roy’s success means just a little bit more to him knowing he did it with a family that adores him.  I believe that Roy is just that much prouder knowing he is where he, and along the way to this level he nurtured a relationship that is thriving.  I hope he doesn’t think he settled.

And I hope he knows that when I stopped coaching I didn’t do it because he liked the idea of me being home full time.  I didn’t do it for him, and now he 'owes’ me.  I hope I’ve conveyed my joy, my love and appreciation for him enough, and I hope he realizes that realigning my dreams so that they mesh better with our goals doesn’t mean I look at my life as one I simply 'settled’ for.

About ten years ago, I looked into the Big Brother/Big Sister program.  I was told that I wouldn’t be a 'good fit’ for the traditional program because I didn’t have a job.  I was offended.  For me the implication was that since I wasn’t earning a paycheck I was unworthy of being the friend of a young girl that needs one.  Because I didn’t earn a paycheck, perhaps my brain had atrophied and was only good for cooking and cleaning, I wasn’t possibly intelligent enough to help a young lady with homework, to hold her hand if the boys she liked didn’t like her back or to simply be a shoulder to cry on.

And yet, I look at my life now, and I can honestly say that I’ve done a lot I’m proud of.  I didn’t give up on my dreams, I simply reevaluated them and made choices that better fit who I became as I grew up.  And I think that’s a pretty good lesson to teach our young people too.

It has come to my attention that with so many new followers (Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!) who I am might get lost in the shuffle of my sometimes random, often rambling daily postings.  So here are some facts about me, my family, and who we are:

1. After almost 12 years of marriage and over 13 years of coupledom, Roy still takes my breath away.  I still look forward to that first kiss when he returns home from a day at the office, and those kisses still make me go weak in the knees.
2. I like to think I am a strong, capable woman.  I can deal with most situations myself, but once in awhile I still love that Roy rides in on his white horse and defends my honor.  It’s quite the turn on.
3. I’m a trash talker.  I am pretty sure that Roy did not like it when I used to come to the basketball court with him when we were first married.  He is a good player (he was, I don’t know… been a while sweetie!), and when some of those young whipper snappers started bowing up to him, my mouth just flew open!  It isn’t that he can’t take care of himself. I am just wildly competitive, even if I’m not playing!
4. I LOVE to read! I read everything - magazines, books, newspapers, billboards… you name it, I read it.  I got a Kindle a few years ago, and Roy pointed out to me that many of the classics are free now.  I gobbled them up.  So now, when Corey reads Frankenstein, I can actually give him an opinion that was formed from reading it last week as opposed to 20 years ago! 
5. Magazines are my weakness.  I don’t know how many to which I am subscribed, nor am I sure how many I buy over the course of a month.  A lot is my best guess.  HGTV is coming out with a new magazine, and I am actually excited for it! 
6. Which leads me to my next fun fact about myself… it irks me when magazines that are clearly aimed at women put a 13 year old on the cover.  Or a parenting magazine has a fashion spread with $200 baby sweaters. (REALLY?  Does anyone actually buy those?)  If a parenting magazine has a spread on “Cool Kids Rooms,”  why are there six for girls and only one for boys?  Do little boys not need bedrooms as well?  I don’t get it!
7. I share a love of horror movies - specifically slasher movies and zombie flicks - with my two oldest.  Addi, our 12 year old is getting there, but the older boys and I love them.  Is it a strange thing to have in common?  Probably.
8. About once a month, I have cheesy movie day.  Roy doesn’t often participate in this, but he is indulgent and doesn’t complain too much about missing the games that are on TV that day.  We pop some popcorn and look for the cheesiest movie we can find on Netflix Instance Queue.  The kids and I give it 10 minutes. If it is too horrible to bear, we move on to the next.  The kids love it, I love it, and we spend a few hours laughing and giggling like loons together.
9. After 17 years of parenting, I finally get that not all kids are the same.  Corey is pretty organized.  He gets his work done and over with.  Joe is extremely smart, but easily distracted (Gears of War 3 is his latest weakness) so occasionally his homework suffers.  Addi has some challenges with school.  He is an extremely intelligent young man, but he can be lazy.  Hayden is still struggling with reading, and that can easily frustrate him.  But he improves every day, and that makes him feel great.  And then there is my baby, Dean.  It is painfully obvious to me that he is a genius, so we will see what happens when he hits the school system here.  I predict he will astound everyone with his off the charts intelligence, charm the socks off all the little girls, and be Prom King his Freshman year of high school, but I am obviously biased.
10. I’m not a girly girl.  Don’t get me wrong, I like pretty things, but the last time I tried to apply eyeliner, I am pretty sure I stabbed myself in the eye.  I love lipstick, and wear it often, but that’s about it.  I prefer pants to dresses, flats to heels, and the two pairs of pantyhose I own have runs in them.
11. Give me a muscle car over a sports car ANYDAY. I think my love affair with muscle cars started with the TV show Supernatural. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Sam and Dean are super cute (got my baby’s name from the show), but I’ll take the car (a ‘67 Impala) any day of the week.  And let’s be honest, Daddy Winchester (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and Bobby (Jim Beaver) are the real cuties on the show. So, when Roy started shopping around for a new car, I jumped on the Challenger.  Didn’t even glance at the Mustang or the Corvettes. 
12. Pretty boys don’t do much for me.  Sure, Brad Pitt is handsome, but I’ll take a rugged man, scars and all, any day of the week.
13. Bald is beautiful.  LOVE a man with a bald head…
14. I am a morning person.  Most days, I get up around 6am, even on the weekends, and I love that quiet time.
15. When I go to Target, and I do this quite often, I follow the same route through the store.  Roy teases me about this, and he secretly knows that when we go to the store, if he takes a right instead of going straight, it confuses the heck out of me!
16. I have three novels started.  Well, excuse me, two novels and one book based on parenting five boys and all the craziness that goes along with it.  But Corey and Roy are the only people that have read what I have so far.
17. Roller Coasters ROCK!  My favorite of all time is the Griffon at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. 
18. I don’t know what to do when someone starts to cry uncontrollably.  I cry all the time, but I rarely get to the point where I am a hyperventilating ball of goo.  When someone is at that stage, I become clueless and, sadly, rather irritated.  I don’t mean to be a witch with a capital “B.” I really don’t!
19. I don’t think stupid people should be allowed to drive.  I’m sorry, I think this one is common sense.
20. My boys fill me with crazy pride.  I love sitting around the dinner table and hearing the laughter, the jokes, the bad puns, and the inside jokes. 
21. I can be a cheapskate.
22. I have a soft spot for the underdog.  Probably because when I was swimming, I was always one.  I was small, scrappy, and strong.  I didn’t look like much standing next to those tall, lithe girls on the starting blocks.  But when that gun went off, I was often the first off the blocks, and in the water I felt like I could do anything.  I loved surprising people, and to this day, I still cheer for the underdog.  (I mean, who doesn’t love Rudy?)
23. I actually enjoy doing the dishes and laundry.  Though I am almost positive that my dirty dishes procreate.  An irrational fear, I know, but come to my house, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
24. Sons of Anarchy and The Walking Dead are my two favorite TV shows.
25. I am crazy, wildly and deliriously happy with my life.  I am proud of my age, 37, and thrilled that I am in better shape now than when I was 27, and I did it on my own (well, Roy helps a lot).  My boys are happy and healthy, and they are so very loved.  My marriage is strong, and Roy and I still love and cherish each other.  My life is good.

So there you have it!  25 facts about me… would love to hear some of yours?!

But really is that even a relevant term anymore?  Toys R Us is opening at 5 on Thursday and Walmart and Target are right behind them at 8.  Kohls, Best Buy, Michaels-all opening on Thursday.

And this is a double edge sword for me.  Thanksgiving is great and all, we enjoy getting together as a family. I enjoy all the cooking and baking that goes a long with the meal, but it just isn’t that big a deal for us. And with five kids, we enjoy the savings that we typically get on Black Friday.

But I’ve been reading a lot about how shopping on Black Friday (Black Thursday?) is wrong!  It’s unAmerican, etc ,etc.  And how we just shouldn’t do it.

And yet, in this economy, do people NOT want the money?  Is holiday pay no longer time and a half?  Do people NOT understand this going into retail?  And how is shopping after eating a big meal unAmerican?

Does EVERYONE in the US celebrate Thanksgiving? (Nope, sorry, they don’t) Do ENTIRE families get together, and this is the only time they can be together? (NOPE, sorry it often isn’t)

Now, that is from our perspective.  Our kids don’t have a lot of time off, and my inlaws live 15+ hours away.  A trip at Thanksgiving for us, isn’t really feasible, unless we take the kids out of school.  And yes, my in-laws are always welcome in our home.

But this year is a bit different.  Corey is a shift manager at our local I-hop, and everyone is pulling a short shift on Thursday.  He got stuck with the 4-10, which means we will be eating earlier than we usually do, but that’s ok. No big deal!

But the more noticeable absence is my sister.  She usually celebrates with us.  She isn’t really a cook (her words, NOT mine!) and she enjoys being around my crazy family for the holidays.  But this year she is deployed, overseas.  My niece is with us, but the empty seat at the table will be noticed, and it isn’t easy.  We aren’t the only ones with a loved one deployed, and that absence certainly puts a bit of a damper on the holiday.

But aside from that, Thanksgiving is just a day for Roy and I.

I know how lucky I am EVERY SINGLE DAY to have a wonderful husband, healthy boys (and our little niece!), a warm home and food on the table.  I don’t need to sit down and take one day a year to remind myself of that.

I also realize that, for the most part, we are together.  Sure, we have work schedules, school, friends, activities, etc to coordinate around, but we are lucky enough to manage a few family dinners a week.

So, color me confused, but why is shopping on Black Thursday or Friday Unamerican?  And no, I don’t expect people to think like me, but stores make plans for this day well in advance, don’t they?

Maybe I’m making excuses here, because Roy and I will probably hit Target on Thursday night.  We might stop by Walmart, I don’t know, but chances are, we will.  I’m not going to slug someone over the last PS4, but I’ll probably do some damage to my credit card and hopefully finish up the bulk of our shopping.

I’ve read that all would be ok, if the stores would just pay their employees a bit more-then people wouldn’t need the holiday pay.  But I have to wonder if those same people are unaware of the amount of sales that retailers count on around Black Friday.  We’re talking A LOT of money for the store, I’m sorry to tell you that Target doesn’t open early because their cashiers need the money.

I can’t get behind the idea that opening early means a store is horrid and should burn to the ground.  Nor, will I NOT go shopping on Thursday.  If the store is open, and there is something that’s a great deal, I might go for it.  And I’ll be kind, and cheerful (and I usually am) to the people working, and I will hope that people will treat my son the same way during his shift.  I won’t push and shove and act a fool because Target has ONE PS4 left, but I’ll check and see if they have any, and if they do I might grab one of I can.

No, I don’t think that makes me Un-American at all.

• I do laundry twice a week, and no matter how many times I wash them, how many times I fold them-I am still surprised at how many friggin pairs of basketball shorts this family has. I’m not kidding…I think we put Target to shame.
  
• Joe is 18, and Corey is almost 20…I’m still surprised when I say that out loud. I have an 18 year old and a 20 year old…and I’m 40. (Let me go cry in a corner..be back in a second…)
  Ok…I’m back…god I’m getting old….
• I can’t believe how much I’m loving, Justin Timberlake’s new song “Not a Bad Thing.” LOVE IT! Beautiful song. And hearing our little Dean sing it while we built Lego’s yesterday…solidified it…my new favorite song!
  

• Joe is 18…oh, wait did i already say that? Our boy is about to graduate! AHHHH… And in a month, he’ll be heading out to Boot Camp.
• The older boys are at a point in their lives where they are getting ready to take that next step. Joe’s going to boot camp, and then Naval Nuclear Engineering school. (SO very proud of him!!) Corey is looking at the Air Force now. And that will free up two rooms. Hayden and Dean share a room now, so the plan is to move Dean into Joe’s old room, Addi into Corey’s room (which is bigger than the one he has now) and Hayden will stay in the room the little boy’s share. Addi’s room butts up against our room, and we could knock out the wall, thereby expanding our Master Bedroom. But, I asked Roy to keep it closed off for now, in case the older boys come home, guest room, etc. But, he suggested I make it a room for me. So, I’m thinking of stripping my desk and painting it a wild color! Putting a bookshelf in there for all my books, and picking up some fun things-as soon as I find a great thrift store-that I make myself. I’m excited about it, and then I remember that the room is freeing up because the older boys are leaving…and I feel like crap for being excited…OMG, it’s a vicious cycle! I need to get off the Merry Go Round!
  
• The two younger boys want to go camping. Surprisingly, I enjoy camping. It isn’t so much the nature, but the attitude. You get up early, and just…chill. And then I took my dog out…and got eaten alive. I kid you not…I was outside for about ten minutes, and I got bites on my leg that not only itched, but hurt…how can I camp!? How can I not? Quandry…
  
• JOE IS GRADUATING!!! I know I’ve said that twice, but I’m just so proud of him….and I feel old…
  

Sooo, I make a pact with myself to spend more time giving in to my feelings of restlessness when it comes to writing…and than I don’t write for four day?  Go figure!

It could be because our timeline got moved up.

What timeline you ask?

Well, I’ll tell ya,  Hayden is a Freshman this year, Dean is in fifth grade-so he’ll start middle school next year, and Roy works about 60 miles from home. NOT horrible, until you factor in rush hour traffic.  Sometimes, Roy gets into the office in an hour an a half, sometimes it take twice that-my goal was to move the summer before Hayden’s junior year.  That would give him two years at a new high school, Dean would have two years at the middle school before moving into HS, but my husband is beat.  With the new position he accepted, he’s going in almost daily-and I know it’s hard on him.  So, we’re looking to move in just a few months!

Ugh, I said it out loud

We’ve been here so long, I forgot why I dislike the process.  Getting the house ready, finding a new house…and than there’s THE PURGE.

I decided to start small, something no one could have any say over-my closet.  I listed items on ebay, I put aside items for a yard sale-and felt accomplished until I looked at my closet.  Pretty sure it looks no different.  When did I accumulate so much stuff?  

To be fair, Roy’s side of the closet looks similar.  I tell the man he needs to purge and he gives me two t-shirts-out of the 50 he owns-though he only wears about 10.  He has a t-shirt that he wears constantly (I wash it, he wears it-vicious cycle) that I can see through-I kid you not.  It didn’t start out like that, he just wears it constantly!  To boot-it says Grooveshark (does anyone even remember what that is?) and he got it for free!  Not that there’s anything wrong with promotional swag-I love my pens, but when it’s starting to disintegrate, maybe it’s time to move on?

Now, for my case I realized I have way to many shirts with goofy sayings.  Some I bought for the specific purpose of basketball games-I have a few with sayings, or Hayden’s number, etc.  But most say ridiculous things like, “More Tacos please.”  I’m not sure why I need three shirts that say that-especially when all are just different shades of grey.  

And you’d think when the shirts hold no real sentimental value it would be easy to let go of-apparently, it is not.  You never know when you might find yourself in desperate need of tacos and maybe you’ve lost your voice?  I don’t know…

And let’s not even get in to my legging collection.  Now, in the winter I do wear them-daily for the most part.  I wear tunics and leggings, or a sweater and leggings, etc.  They’re warm and cute-the more colorful the better!  But I’m short, so specific brands fit me best-so why do I have pair after pair that are too big? 

I think there was a time when I bought clothes to make myself happy-I was feeling out of sorts, sad-and when I worked through that-I was left with a packed closet.  And so, THE PURGE commenced.

I truly hope the kitchen isn’t like this-or you’ll find me crying in the shower…