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Grumpy puss. Yes, that is what my husband just called me because I am getting on the boys about their attitude.
I get it. It’s summer vacation… school is over… party time, right?! WRONG! Kids forget something along the lines of 1 to 3 months worth of schooling over summer break. Primarily in the areas of Math and English. That means that MOST of the first QUARTER - not the first month, not the first week - the first quarter of the school year is spent playing catch up. So, a quarter of the school year is spent getting kids to remember what they already learned; another quarter is spent getting kids ready for standardized learning tests (I won’t even get into that here!). That’s half the school year right there.
BUT, with a little bit of effort, kids can actually not fall into that trap. Just a little bit of reading five days a week - I have found as little as ten minutes works wonders. The boys like Facebook (well the older boys do), and they text their friends… all I ask of them is that they use proper English. Math isn’t my strong suit, and I know that, but I try to get Addi and Hayden to do little things just to keep their minds sharp.
I want the boys to work to their potential. I am not demanding they graduate early or skip grades (which they could if they really tried). I just know of what my kids are capable, simple as that.
So, NO I am not a grumpy puss… I just think the older boys can do better than laying around watching cartoons or playing video games.
I haven’t been around much this summer. Having all the boys home, getting ready for a family reunion, and now school..it’s been hectic.
And yet, in just a few short weeks the kids will be back in school! And I can already tell it’s going to be a rough one-probably more so for me than the kids!
Joe is finishing up-going to be a senior this year.
And Dean is just starting-kindergarten.
Ugh! I can’t believe it! Corey is finishing up his Associate’s degree, and Addi is about to start high school!
Hayden is in fourth grade, almost done with elementary school!
WHAT is going on?! Where are all my babies?
And I have to say this:
Went to the grocery store today, and came out to find a magnet on my car. I have had countless flyers put on my car while at the store, but this is the first magnet.
And yet, it kind of annoyed me?! Who said I wanted a magnet on my car? Had it been Roy’s car he would have been beyond pissed?!
I don’t know…just never really liked the whole practice of flyers on the windshield, and now they’re taking it a step further?
Not real cool.
Despite having five boys, the different stages always seem to take me by surprise.
It starts in pregnancy-you would think after the first couple I would know what actual labor feels like, but no-I had a few false alarms with all the boys.
You would think I would remember how hard those first few months of sleepless nights are, but nope-I didn’t. Though I suppose that’s a coping mechanism if not no one would every have more than one child, maybe not even that if you heard enough horror stories from friends!
I forgot what potty training was like, and when to introduce solids.
You forget how expensive formula was, and that’s one reason I always decided to at least try breast feeding.
I forgot what it was like to put the boys on the bus for their first day of school, and how heartbreaking it is to see your little one sick.
Puberty brings on a whole new bunch of fun-not really, and just like labor and the first few months of life, I think parents block it out, so that you can relive all the fun and joy when the next one hits those teenage years. (Yes that is sarcasm)
I forgot what it was like to have a six year old in the house. If pressed, if I sit here and really think about it, I vaguely remember that all the boys were the same way. Sweet, and funny. Very loving and willing to help out, and then overnight it was like someone flipped a switch.
They start to challenge you and to push boundaries, and the back talk starts.
Now, I’m not one to buy into the theory that IF I parented better, my kids would not try that with me. I think anyone, at any time can be pushed to come back with a rude quip. I just think over time, kids learn to control their emotions and all of a sudden the idea that we don’t have apples in the house isn’t cause for a complete melt down.
Dean’s at that stage. He’s still a sweet and loving little boy 95% of the time, but those other five percent! HELLO!
He’s starting to realize that he might have an opinion that differs from mine, and he’s starting to understand that he can share it.
And boy does he share!
Over the summer, I like to try to do just 30 minutes or so of review for the next school year. I want the boys to stay on top of what they learned. Well, this morning Dean didn’t want to work on his patterns, and boy did he try to bargain his way out of it!
“Please Mommy, No work today!"
"Just a few pages Dean.” I tried, getting out his crayons.
“No, Mommy please! I did an extra page yesterday, and I’ll do two tomorrow.” he told me, looking up at me with those big, brown eyes, “I’m just so tired. I need to rest.”
And then he fell dramatically to the air mattress we set up in the living room for movie night.
I had to turn around to hide my laughter, he’s a tough negotiator.
“Ok, THREE extra pages tomorrow, and two books?” I told him.
He thought about it for a minute, and then nodded, “Deal.”
We shook on it, and I gave him an apple.
This is going to be a long summer!
Granted we do still have a few weeks left before the kids go back to school, and with the heat outside, we certainly can’t forget it’s still summer! But where did summer break go? Hell, where did this year go?
It’s almost the end of July 2011 already! We have celebrated all the boys’ birthdays - Dean and Joe in January, Addi in March, Hayden in April, and Corey in July. And now the boys are looking to get ready for next school year - Corey for his Senior year, Joe his Sophomore year, Addi is in Seventh grade, and Hayden in Second. Dean will be home with Mommy for one more year before he starts preschool.
A few weeks ago, Corey had his Senior pictures. One cool thing, they gave us the proofs right away; one ridiculous thing, they cost about three times what regular pictures cost.
Now, I have always thought school pictures were a rip off, but we often bought them because our schools use them as fundraisers. We got a package of Hayden’s pictures last year for $22 dollars - 1-8x10 and 4-5x7’s. For that same package, Corey’s Senior pictures are over $125 dollars! Why? Ridiculous! But, of course, you want to get senior pictures of your children, right?
And then there is the yearbooks. I graduated from a school not far from here in 1992 - boy that sounds SO long ago! I got a lovely yearbook - black leather, my name embossed on the front and our school logo. I think my parents paid $35, a price I thought was ridiculous at the time! Now, exact same type of book, $95 WITHOUT your name on the front. You want that luxury? It will cost you another $5.
Granted, Corey is our first to graduate, so I don’t know about all this, but I was talking to a friend whose daughter graduated two years ago, and we were lamenting about the price of pictures.
“Oh, just wait until graduation rolls around! Cap and Gown rental, announcements.”
“Ohh… announcements! I forgot about those. What do those run?” I wondered aloud.
“Well, I guess it isn’t too bad. I think it starts at like $125, but that is for 100 announcements.” My friend answered.
“Is that the smallest package?” I asked.
“Yeah. I just printed some up on my computer. I couldn’t afford that.” She responded.
“I don’t even know 100 people I would send an announcement too.” I laughed.
And I don’t! Grandparents, aunts, uncles - ok that’s maybe 6 or 7 announcements. Save one for memories - 8. Cousins, family friends, etc. - maybe another 25. So, what do I do with the other 70? And I have five boys… so at the end, I could be stuck with a surplus of over 300 announcements? No thanks!
I think we will just order them from Costco and have Roy design them!
This is a sticky situation for me. I have five boys-they are all good kids for the most part, so I like to think I’m doing something right. On the other hand, I only have boys, and I can tell you from experience this past year with our niece we learned first hand that there ARE differences between boys and girls.
Oh, sure a lot of it’s the same. All kids want to know they’re loved, they want attention, they want boundaries set, and they want to eat, but a lot of it was different. For me the big thing was the hair. I’m pretty simple with my own hair, I have boys-three of whom have buzz cuts, and all of a sudden here is this little girl wanting braids and pigtail-ARGH! I’m a failure in that department.
Though I do think some of the differences Roy and I noticed had more to do with simply growing up in our house vs not growing up here.
I have a BIG bark-when I get mad the kids get scared, but for the most part my annoyance fizzles out pretty quickly. The boys know that, it took our niece some time to get used to that.
We have a hectic household-five kids, a dad, a mom, three dogs, fish, etc, etc…my niece is an only child.
Environmental issues, if you will. One would think that I would be ok dishing out advice, and I always have an opinion on things, know doubt about that, but actually giving advice is tough. I know what works for me, I know my kids, my household, but I might not know your’s.
And so I wonder, am I the only one that stresses something to the tune of, “Well, this worked for ME…” just so that I can acknowledge that I understand my way isn’t always the right way?
On another forum that I am active in, a simple question often leads to long conversations about how the original poster is parenting wrong, and yet no real details were given. Nothing specific was said, and yet complete strangers feel the need to dissect and dismember the OP and turn it into a platform for their way of parenting.
I realize that sometimes it’s easier to do that online. You can hide behind your anonymity. The consequences to your ‘advice’ will most likely be nothing more than some harsh words from another poster, most of us can handle that right?
But in 'real life’ our advice can have much more concrete consequences. A friend’s hurt feelings, a spouse’s tears, or depending on what was said, anger.
Nope offering parenting advice is a crap shoot, one that often times isn’t worth the risks-unless a child is in physical, emotional or mental danger-then you have to roll the dice.
“So Easy-even Dad…or the kids could make it.”
This was seen in regards to a recipe in Family Circles latest issue.
Now, I just want to say this:
Just because YOU (meaning apparently the editor./writer./whomever) married a man that is apparently less than capable, don’t assume everyone else did as well.
And I say this in the nicest way possible, but this bugs the hell out of me! Why is it assumed that men are less than capable in the kitchen? I know plenty of men, my husband most certainly included that are MORE than capable in the kitchen, they are downright talented. I can’t tell you how many times Roy has thrown together, not only something nutritious but pretty tasty when I haven’t been feeling well, or just didn’t feel like cooking. And now, that doesnt’ mean he pulled out the delivery menus.
NOT once have I felt the need to write out a “to Do” list for him on the off chance I wasn’t going to be hone, I was sick, etc. I might remind him of the specific time Hayden has to be outside for the bus, but it isn’t because he isn’t capable of telling time, it’s because I’m usually the one up in the morning and pulling school duty.
No, men are just as capable as us, aren’t they ladies? And it’s time the editors of Women’t DAy and Family Circle understand that.
And we keep on going.
Number 3 is from our first lady, Michelle Obama.
3) Eat Dinner as a family-I agree. Simple as that. Mrs. Obama, goes on to say, that sometimes the president will drop everything to attend family dinners. In theory, this is a wonderful idea. But why imply that a family DINNER is what’s important? Perhaps your husband is stuck in traffic, maybe your child’s basketball practice ran late, things can interfere, but making SOME time to be together is the goal here isn’t it?
Sometimes we have breakfast on Sunday morning together. I get up, make pancakes and fruit salad, and we all sit around the table TOGETHER. If breakfasts works for your family, do it. Maybe after dinner, a ‘dessert time’ is doable. IN the summer or school vacations, maybe lunch works. It isn’t the fact that you eat dinner together that counts, it’s the fact that you are together. Spend time with your kids, talk about your day, laugh together.
I think Mrs. Obama offers up a great 'thing’ I just think there’s more too it.
Let me clarify things right off the bat, I don’t think people ask to be raped or assaulted. A woman walking down the street in a short skirt isn’t saying:
“I’m easy!”
I don’t think women ask to be battered wives. I don’t think men ask to be battered husbands, either.
I’m talking about my kids here. It’s the second day of ‘summer vacation’ and we’ve already had two fights, and I can’t count how many screaming matches because someone took someone else’s action figure/video game, etc, etc. That’s my house. Do I like all the fighting no? BUT, if I tried to manage each and every disagreement that occurred between the boys, that’s all I would do with my days.
“Let them duke it out. It’s part of establishing a hierarchy among siblings. Tell them to take it outside, and unless things get really nasty, try to resist the urge to step in.” That’s almost verbatim from our pediatrician. A doctor I genuinely like and respect.
“Brothers fight, Chris. It’s what they do. Let them.” That’s Roy, when he gets sick of hearing me yell at them and rush around trying to mediate.
And so, I try my best to let them deal with their own problems. Sometimes it ends in tears because someone doesn’t get their way, sometimes they just give up and things quiet down, but every once in awhile things get rough.
And here is my problem-I don’t buy into the idea that one of the boys will just haul off and punch someone else. They might if they are kidding around, but that is nothing more than a tap, nothing to cause tears or pain. And so, I don’t just punish the 'puncher’ and coddle the 'punchee.'
I’m having a tough time this week-my in-laws came up for Corey’s graduation, and though they are two of the least judgmental people I know, I would be lying if I said I was worried that they were grading our parenting, or at least taking notes.
Anyways, Addi was in a mood yesterday, picking and poking at the other boys. He would grab things out of Hayden or Dean’s hands, and then pretend surprise when they got upset. He cursed and called the older boys names, trying to goad them into a fight. Corey ignored it, and walked away, but Joe took the bait and ended up punching him in the arm. I was outside with the dog, and when I came in my mother in law told me that Addi was on the floor crying.
Of course, I was concerned. My first thought was that he fell, and might have been seriously injured, wouldn’t be the first time.
“What happened?” I asked as I ran to find him.
“Joe punched him.” was the reply.
Once I found, Addi and saw that much of his reaction was him angling for attention, I tried to find out what happened.
I called Joe and Addi both to the table, and for their parts, they both admitted what happened. Roy and I told Addi he needed to do his math work, apparently Joe looked at him, Addi called him an a-hole and said to shut up, and Joe punched him.
Neither boy was completely at fault, did Joe over react, probably. Did Addi over react to Joe looking at him? Probably.
And because they both acted like fools, I wasn’t going to punish either one of them.
After all, it’s what boys do right? (I don’t know, if that’s true…I’m not a boy, and I didn’t have any brothers…I do know that I don’t have the energy or the desire to try to mediate every single little disagreement though.)
A few years ago, a rather ridiculous person accused me of being too protective of the boys-though they didn’t put it quite as nicely. I vehemently denied this accusation. (and then in the next breath they accused me of being too leniently? GO FIGURE!) I don’t think I’m protective at all.
I just adore my boys.
We are leaving for our summer vacation, and it hit me as I’m trying to wake up in the shower, that our big family vacations will soon be a thing of the past. Last summer, after Corey graduated we took a cruise. It was part of his graduation gift. A few days ago, we asked Joe what he was interested in doing, since he will be leaving for boot camp on July 8th (In one year I will be putting my little boy on a bus for the NAVY! I can’t believe it!) Roy and I thought that perhaps Spring Break was a good time to plan something.
Disneyworld, a cruise…whatever he wanted we would consider. He asked to rent a house at the beach. I remember talking to Joe about doing that this summer, but we decided to rent a place in Gaitlinburg instead. But Joe likes the beach, and he jumped at the chance. So, I started looking into renting a place in the Outer Banks.
This morning, I was half asleep in the shower, thinking of anything I needed to tell Corey. See, Corey isn’t coming with us today. He has work, and he didn’t want to take a week off. And Roy and I understood and respected his decision.
So, I had to wonder was last summer our final vacation with a family of seven?
I’m sure Corey will get to the beach, whether he comes with us for the whole week, or he drives down for a few days. But that trip we take in April of 2014, might be the last time we are all together like that.
I know the boys, when they leave our home, will be back for visits. For big family dinners at Christmas. But it’s not the same.
I remember sitting in Margaritaville on Grand Cayman and looking at the boys. We had just finished an exciting trip to swim with Sting Rays, and the boys were talking about it as they shoveled chips and salsa in their mouths. The DJ called for ladies to enter a silly contest, and the boys pushed me to enter-they wanted t-shirts. And I kept thinking how amazing it was that Roy and I were able to give them these experiences. We were able to take them to Mexico, and to the Cayman Islands. They swam in the waters off St. Maarten, and rode on slides in Jamaica. They explored the streets of Munich, Germany. (the three older boys did) and posed for pictures with Lilo and Stitch. And hopefully, they’ll play football on the beach in NOrth Carolina with their Dad, and then I’ll yell at them to come eat some lunch.
As grateful as I am that we got to share all of that with them, I’m sad that those times are coming to an end.
I hope I can convince the older boys to come home for each of their younger boys graduations, then maybe I can convince them to do one more family vacation.
Sooo, I make a pact with myself to spend more time giving in to my feelings of restlessness when it comes to writing…and than I don’t write for four day? Go figure!
It could be because our timeline got moved up.
What timeline you ask?
Well, I’ll tell ya, Hayden is a Freshman this year, Dean is in fifth grade-so he’ll start middle school next year, and Roy works about 60 miles from home. NOT horrible, until you factor in rush hour traffic. Sometimes, Roy gets into the office in an hour an a half, sometimes it take twice that-my goal was to move the summer before Hayden’s junior year. That would give him two years at a new high school, Dean would have two years at the middle school before moving into HS, but my husband is beat. With the new position he accepted, he’s going in almost daily-and I know it’s hard on him. So, we’re looking to move in just a few months!
Ugh, I said it out loud
We’ve been here so long, I forgot why I dislike the process. Getting the house ready, finding a new house…and than there’s THE PURGE.
I decided to start small, something no one could have any say over-my closet. I listed items on ebay, I put aside items for a yard sale-and felt accomplished until I looked at my closet. Pretty sure it looks no different. When did I accumulate so much stuff?
To be fair, Roy’s side of the closet looks similar. I tell the man he needs to purge and he gives me two t-shirts-out of the 50 he owns-though he only wears about 10. He has a t-shirt that he wears constantly (I wash it, he wears it-vicious cycle) that I can see through-I kid you not. It didn’t start out like that, he just wears it constantly! To boot-it says Grooveshark (does anyone even remember what that is?) and he got it for free! Not that there’s anything wrong with promotional swag-I love my pens, but when it’s starting to disintegrate, maybe it’s time to move on?
Now, for my case I realized I have way to many shirts with goofy sayings. Some I bought for the specific purpose of basketball games-I have a few with sayings, or Hayden’s number, etc. But most say ridiculous things like, “More Tacos please.” I’m not sure why I need three shirts that say that-especially when all are just different shades of grey.
And you’d think when the shirts hold no real sentimental value it would be easy to let go of-apparently, it is not. You never know when you might find yourself in desperate need of tacos and maybe you’ve lost your voice? I don’t know…
And let’s not even get in to my legging collection. Now, in the winter I do wear them-daily for the most part. I wear tunics and leggings, or a sweater and leggings, etc. They’re warm and cute-the more colorful the better! But I’m short, so specific brands fit me best-so why do I have pair after pair that are too big?
I think there was a time when I bought clothes to make myself happy-I was feeling out of sorts, sad-and when I worked through that-I was left with a packed closet. And so, THE PURGE commenced.
I truly hope the kitchen isn’t like this-or you’ll find me crying in the shower…