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Round Two in the Mommy Wars

If you follow my blog you know I despise the whole mommy war thing-most parents simply try to do their best with their kids. Personally, I think that’s about all we can ask for. There will always be someone more organized than you, a better cook than you are, someone with more money, etc, etc.  And yet, we each plug along, trying to do the best we can.  What else can you do?

Over the weekend a well known family magazine asked-on social media-if you (meaning you as a parent) were for or against sleepovers. Now, I have my opinion, but I was surprised at the vehemence involved!

“If you don’t allow sleepovers, you’re a lazy parent.”

“If you allow your kids to have sleepovers at a friends house, you are asking for them to be molested.”

And everything in between.  Now, the two examples are extreme opinions in my book, but a simple question once again turned into a “Who is a better parent?” debate.

My opinion:

We are all for sleepovers with parameters. We know where the boys are going, we meet the parents, and most of all, I trust my gut.  I’ve said no plenty of times, and never once felt bad about it.  But, I’ve also said yes, and not felt bad about that either.

Many parents seemed to take the stance that kids can come to my house to sleepover, but that’s it.  Ok, why should I trust you with my child when I don’t get that same courtesy?  Or rather, that’s what they seemed to be saying.  This idea that no one can be trusted sets a bad example in my opinion. But cautious, but not closed off.  How do you expect your kids to learn to trust themselves when it comes to picking a significant other, if by your opinion no one can be trusted?

How do they develop friendships, and relationships outside of the family if you send the message that the world is a bad place?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase, “Times have changed. The world is different now than when we were kids.”

My response, “Is it really?”

There were murders, kidnappings, rapes, gangs, drugs, etc when I was a kid (I’m 41, so put that into perspective). The difference is we didn’t have Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, or whatever else you use that gives to access to the world 24/7. We didn’t all have cell phones, and 1200+ channels of cable. (I don’t know how many cable channels there are, but there are a lot!  No, I don’t have 1200 channels.) Kids went to parties and drank, they had sex before they were ready, they got into fights, and they missed curfew. Is the world really that different in terms of suddenly there are more people that we should not trust?

Roy and I have always parented by our guts for the most part.  No, I don’t learn new math techniques by winging it. I mean that if something feels off, we check ourselves, ask why and go from there.  And it works for us, perhaps over the years we learned to listen to our gut feeling. Maybe it comes from being the parent of older kids-meaning we’ve been in the parenting game longer than someone with only 1 child that is still a toddler.  I don’t know.

But I do know, that I don’t want to raise my kids to fear the world. I don’t want them doubting their own instincts, and I can’t teach them to do that if I never let them get that chance. They won’t learn who is best suited for them, if I never let them get out there and date.

Does that mean I’m playing with fire and asking for my kids to be hurt?

YOUR kids WILL get hurt. They will fall, they will get their heart broken-it’s going to happen, and trying to stop it is doing a disservice to them.  Trying to fix everything is teaching them they don’t need to think for themselves-mommy and daddy will save them.

I DO NOT think this means I am asking for my children to get molested or abused, and for us that’s where our instincts come into play, or rather we are going to do our best to protect them from that horror, but for us that doesn’t translate into locking them in the house and thinking I’m better than other parents.

In short, you do what works for you, but don’t assume your way is the right way, and I’ll do the same.

family Kids mommy wars parenting relationships sleep overs
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