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Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Resilience

Kids have it!  And I wish I had more.

As I mentioned yesterday, when Dean was bit by my sister’s dog, it was the only time in my life I remember being truly terrified.  And the true fear set in later that night.

While we were at the hospital, it was all about making sure Dean got the best care possible, and that he was going to be ok.  Afterwards, it was about just getting home.  Getting everyone home and to bed. And once we got home, it was about taking out the dogs, playing with my little birdie a bit, getting the kids comfortably settled in for the night.

But then, the fear creeps in.

What if Addi hadn’t been there?

What if Dean had been turned the other way, and the dog got him on the side of his throat?

What if that dog had been just a bit bigger?

What if….

What if…

What if…

That night, I couldn’t sleep. Dean’s scream just kept ringing in my head - over and over and over again. I kept hearing it, and I’d wake up in a cold sweat, tears coursing down my face.  The next day, I walked in Addi’s room, and wondered if it had hit him yet.  If he hadn’t been there, if he hadn’t moved as quickly as he did, it could have been so much worse.

“Hey, Mom.” I heard a sleepy voice, and Addi’s head popped up.

I walked over to our son. Our 16 year old boy-the same boy we get on for being lazy, or for having an attitude, and I looked at him.  In my mind, he’s a hero. He quite possibly saved his little brother’s life.

I took his hand, still warm from being snuggled under mounds of blankets.

“If you hadn’t been there…” I choked out, unable to say anything more.

He squeezed my hand, and I felt him shaking a bit. “I know, mom, but I was there, and we’re all ok.”

He drives me crazy, this boy of ours. We butt heads, and I’m constantly asking him WHY he’s wasting that so very talented brain of his.  But in this moment, I saw a glimpse of the man he would become.  Sure, strong, and capable.

“You saved him, Addi.” I am as convinced of this now, as I was then. “You’re a hero.”

He blushed a bit and laughed it off, but I could tell he was touched.  I kissed his cheek and told him to get some sleep.  I wandered downstairs and made my coffee, and then sat down at the kitchen table.  Dean was ok. Addi was ok.  Hayden had been there when it happened, and though he was visibly shaken right afterwards, he was fine.  Roy is the calm one, the pragmatic one in situations like this.  Let’s do what needs to be done, and we can reflect later.

And me? My mind doesn’t shut off. I obsess over the what if’s, the could have been’s, and the what might have happened’s.  But the truth is-Dean is ok, Addi was there, and already the scars are fading.  We went to the park a few days after it happened, and a German Shepherd walked by us. Dean didn’t flinch, but my heart stopped when Dean walked by the dog.

Roy took Dean and I out to a local ice cream parlor the other day. It was a beautiful Saturday evening, and the place was packed - with a number of dogs there.  Dean saw a large Samoyed (beautiful dog!) and asked the owner (very politely I might add) if he could pet the dog. I held my breath, until Dean’s hand came down softly on the dog’s fluffy fur.

Dean is running around happily, and he speaks of the incident with a very self-assured tone. Me on the other hand? I get teary, just thinking about it.

I suppose this heightened awareness about our children is part of being a parent. Maybe it’s what kicks in and helps us keep them safe.  But I worry about being overly vigilant, and him actually developing a phobia of dogs because of ME, as opposed to because of what happened.

Realistically, I know that this can happen.  Even long time family pets can be pushed.

But emotionally?  That’s a whole other story.

Resilience - it’s something I’m learning about from the very best teachers around: Our boys.

dog bites Dogs family Injuries Kids parenting
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