As I have said before, I read a lot of magazines.  One of my favorites, Redbook, is very keen on printing articles that tell women why we should love our bodies - thin, fat, doesn’t matter - self confidence is important.  They, meaning the magazine, do stress the importance of eating right and exercising, but they also understand that having a perfect size 4 figure is harder for some of us, and just because you aren’t a size 4 or less doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful.

I probably won’t ever be a size 4 again.  Getting down to that size, while not unrealistic, would make me too thin, and as a woman in my mid thirties I like my curves… but a size 6 would be nice.  I’m about a 10 now, though I like my shirts big, so I often buy a size 12.  I can’t stand things too tight around my chest, unless that is the look I am going for!  But anyways, back to my magazine…

Redbook has a columnist, a man that writes about pertinent topics from a man’s perspective.  Aaron Traister is funny, self deprecating, but he is also poignant, sweet, and he has a way of putting what (I am willing to bet) so many husband’s think into words for all us women to read.  Last month he tackled the difference in men’s and women’s body image.  I don’t think that overweight men live in some alternate universe where they don’t realize they are overweight, but I do think that men in general are more accepting of their bodies.  They don’t operate under the illusion that we must stop the passage of time.  Men don’t think that they need to look 21 at all times.  A man will look in the mirror and think, “Not too shabby.” A woman will think, “God! I look old!"  Women spend millions (billions?) of dollars trying to look 21; men accept that they aren’t 21.

After five kids my body is certainly showing the ravages of time.  My breasts aren’t where they used to be (unless I have some help from Victoria, but that’s a Secret), my stomach isn’t flat, my face isn’t wrinkle free (though I think I am doing a pretty good job at holding most of them at bay), but my posterior seems to be holding up ok, or at least that’s what Roy says!  And that’s what I think is so funny.  I look in the mirror and see a big butt.  Roy, on the other hand, digs it… see, there’s that acceptance.

My husband is a very handsome man - his face has some very distinguished, very handsome laugh lines (and for the record, why do men have laugh lines and women have crow’s feet?).  I love the way his eyes crinkle up when he laughs, but if I see any semblance of one on my own face, I’m screaming for new eye cream.  Roy tells me all the time that I am beautiful, that he loves my "posterior” and other goods, but I just think I have a big butt!  He tells me I don’t need makeup, but I think I am quickly getting to the point where I can’t get away without some.  I often wonder if men are just blinded by love.  Does a man that is truly and deeply in love with his wife not see her for what she truly is?  Does he not see the sagging breasts, the gray hairs that creep up more often, or the tiny lines that lace our face and bodies?  Do they not care?  Do they have some deeper appreciation for our bodies that we are slower to get?

All those questions and more, MIGHT be answered when Roy edits my post for me… Stay tuned!

â€"-

Update from the other side (Roy): Gee. This is awkward. Am I supposed to reply for all mankind? This must be how Aaron Traister feels. Christina always shares these articles with me as they are witty and inspiring. Aaron’s articles are an excellent break down of the man’s mind, and in most cases, he is spot on. His Thanksgiving stuffing article is no exception, but it should be expanded upon. Does a man care what he looks like? Of course. Most of us want to lose those extra pounds in the mid section, but at the same time, we are accepting of the fact that life no longer allows the luxury of spending hours at the gym or at the ball court or other activities to kill those calories. So we assure ourselves that there are still positive attributes we can show off - those broad shoulders, those triceps that still ripple under our Tshirt sleeve, that lump that can still be considered a bicep - Oh yeah, you ladies love it! So instead of focusing so much on the beer gut or food baby, we appreciate what’s left. And hope that one day (when time allows) we can do enough situps to fit into our slacks. Does a man care what his partner looks like? Once again, of course. We are creatures of visual desire. But as Aaron points out, we are not ignorant of the fact that time and gravity have their grubby hands in the mix. They pull and push and tug. And those Red Velvet cupcakes and all the snacks for the kids are difficult to avoid, so certain areas don’t look like they used to - in some ways, good, and in others, maybe not so good. But unless you have just let yourself go and given up all hope of maintaining yourself (let’s be clear, giving up on yourself is a bad thing), a man is full aware of nature, and just as they do themselves, they focus on the good stuff rather than the “not as good as it used to be” stuff. Heck, in many cases, some of the areas that have grown or shifted probably fit you so much better! mmHmm! And as Aaron notes, in the end, we appreciate that you accept our aging, stinking, gaining weight, losing hair, etc., just as you should know that we accept and love all you are and all the time you’ve spent aging and getting better with us. So while you should never give up on maintaining yourself and health, next time you look in the mirror try to fixate on those good/hot attributes rather than mumble about getting older or not fitting into that size 2 dress or having a line across your forehead when you smile. Trust me. We see the good stuff! Most of the attributes you fixate on all came from memories you’ve made together anyway.

I’ve had five kids, that’s a fact of life.  It’s also a fact of life that I don’t have a personal trainer on speed dial, a personal chef and a nanny to help me lose the baby weight within 10 days of delivery.  And that’s ok.  I feel overweight sometimes, sure, and I know I should lose a few more pounds, but my boys are happy and healthy, and Roy and I enjoy a wonderful love life (though he might have a different opinion).

But then we decided to take a cruise this summer, and my vanity kicked in.  How I would love to lounge by the pool in a skimpy bikini, have Roy’s eyes pop out of his head when I walk out of the room in a tiny cocktail dress… vanity.  It isn’t easy with five boys that need all the calories growing boys do, because let’s face it, I sure as heck don’t need all those calories!  So I am faced with numerous challenges:

1) I want to lose weight, and I am no spring chicken.  At 36, I don’t feel old by any means, but the weight is not falling off like it used too.  I actually have to work now.

2) Roy needs to lower his cholesterol.  Okay, not a big deal.  The gym should help as we haven’t been as active as we could be for a while.  And I can switch up a few things in our diet.  For the most part, I cook pretty healthy, but our problem is portion control, so I need to monitor and be on the ball with that.

3) The kids don’t need to lose weight, so I am challenging myself to find healthy meals for Roy and I that have enough flavor to entice the kids.  Last night we hit a home run - Healthy Teriyaki Pork Stir Fry with brown rice.  The kids liked it, Roy and I liked it, and no one noticed that it was actually good for us!  SCORE!

4) Pushing myself to go to the gym.  I always feel great after a work out.  I love lifting weights and the feeling it gives me - that slight burn.  I love the sweat I work up on the treadmill, but getting out of the house isn’t always easy.  It’s cold, it’s raining, the laundry is piling up, or maybe i just want to watch some TV.  It’s a constant push to get out of the house, though once I do I am always glad I did.

Numerous challenges, BUT I’m not alone in this struggle.  Roy is right there with me, struggling to lose a few pounds, to lower his cholesterol, and to hit the gym.  It isn’t easy for me here though.  I know that men lose weight faster than women, and Roy is certainly no exception, but I am trying to focus on how I feel (so much better - less PMS!), how my jeans fit (looser, though I just bought them!), and how my arms and legs are already stronger.

And I was able to admit to myself that wearing a bikini is not necessarily something I care about anymore, not since I checked out the bathing suits at Saks’ website and fell in love with this hot little number by Badgley Mischka.  It’s a one piece, but I love it!  Maybe for me it’s more about having the option to wear a bikini and look the way I want to in it, than actually prancing around in one on the cruise.  Because, I simply can’t get that one from Saks out of my head…

I love my body.  No, I don’t think I am some supermodel with a great figure, and to be honest, I don’t necessarily love my body unconditionally, but at the same time, I am who I am, and it doesn’t do me any good to dislike the body that has carried me forward for 37 years.

Roy and I are on a quest to lose weight, or rather at this point, I am.  Roy lost almost 30 pounds, and I hope he doesn’t lose more!  He looks great now, and I hope he realizes that at his height, he doesn’t need to lose any more weight. BUT anyways… though I have probably lost close to 18 pounds at this point, I still have a few more to go.  (OK, in full disclosure, I still want to lose about 20 more pounds) BUT, as I looked in the mirror this morning, I tried to see myself clearly (of course I had my glasses on).  I tried to see the woman that was looking back at me, rather than the woman I THINK should be in the mirror.

At the weight I am now, I look better than I have in years.  My clothes fit better; I have dropped almost two dress sizes; and I have more energy than I did even two months ago!  My food baby (a term I stole from the hilarious author Kristan Higgins) or tummy pooch (mommy belly, fat roll… whatever you want to call it) is noticeably smaller than it was three months ago.  Not just a little bit smaller, but a lot smaller.  My thighs are leaner, and I can see the muscles underneath my skin when I walk, and they don’t rub together… NICE!

No, I can’t wear those cute little knee high boots that are always popular, but then again, I couldn’t wear them when I was at my fighting weight either.  I have huge calves, but now they are muscle… and I can, with the help of my arms and my back lift over 200 pounds when I do my calf raises.  It isn’t easy, but yesterday I did eight!

My arms aren’t the tiny, lean muscular twigs they were back in high school, but I can bench press 75 pounds… only about four times before I have to look to Roy to save me, but every month I can do a little bit more. 

I LOVE Roy’s triceps. I think they are unbelievably sexy, and now for the first time in about 5 years, mine are defined as well!  Not sure if Roy thinks I have sexy triceps, but I dig that I can see the difference.  

I used to joke with Roy that I could still feel my abs under my food baby. Now, I can almost see them!

I am still pretty sure my quads are uneven, but then again… I have lost enough weight now that I can actually tell!

This isn’t a post for me to toot my own horn. This is a post to remind me that perhaps there is something to toot about.  My husband looks amazing, and I am so proud of him, but maybe.. .just maybe I should be proud of myself too - like he is of me.

I hope I remember this post the next time I step on the scale and it hasn’t budged as much as I would like. I hope I remember just how much I have put this body through the next time I get down on myself. I hope I remember how much this body has seen and done, and how well it has served me. 

I think all women should…

I just want to say this… I struggled with the pregnancy weight for years.  I was a size 4 when I got pregnant with Corey at 19.  I lost some of the weight after he was born, but not all of it.  Joey was my largest baby, and after he was born, I was a size 14.  I hated it, but, at the same time, I was going through a rough patch in my life, and I let other things take priority.

I lost a lot of the weight I put on with Joe, but I didn’t do it the right way.  I started smoking again and rarely ate much.  I was on the go constantly, and I got down to an unhealthy size 6.  I met Roy, gave up smoking, got pregnant with Addi, and again, put on some weight.  I didn’t put on as much weight with Addi, and after I had him, I was a size 10.  I started working out, started coaching again, and maintained that size for years.  I got pregnant with Hayden, and then Dean, and when all was said and done, I was a size 12.

I was in decent shape - still strong, still had ok cardio health, but I wasn’t AS healthy as I could be.  When Roy and I took a good hard look at our lives and committed to losing weight, I started researching recipes and realized that, for the most part, I cooked quite healthy.  Lots of veggies, fruits, limited saturated fats, etc… but our issue was portion control.  In one sitting we would eat two or three servings of spaghetti.  Instead of a small portion that we really savored, we would have a whole bowl of full fat ice cream.  We simply ate too much of a good thing.

So, we started cutting back, we learned about portion control and size, we learned to cook some of our favorites in new and healthy ways, I found some sweets that I really liked that were better for me, and we started exercising.  

I enjoy exercising for the most part.  Sure, I have bad days, but I like working hard. I liked seeing my efforts pay off. 

And that was the hard part.  Roy lost weight very quickly, and I struggled.  I did more cardio than he did, went to the gym more often, ate less, and still the weight was slow to come off.  But I kept at it, though there were days I was so frustrated I wanted to scream.  It isn’t easy to lose weight, and while I don’t think having a baby is an excuse to let yourself go, it is the REASON many women gain weight.

It becomes an excuse when you let it stop you from doing what you want.  When you say, “Oh, I had a baby,” and that’s a good enough ‘reason’ for you to be overweight - then it is an excuse.

As someone that struggled to lose weight, I can’t imagine what these celebrities go through.  Look at Jessica Simpson. How many pictures have we seen of her, many not flattering?

Christina Aquilera has been ripped apart how many times for her weight?  And yet, she has one of the most beautiful voices of our generation. But that’s eclipsed because her butt looks big in the latest pictures of her.

Are Jessica and Christina bigger than they used to be?  Of course. But guess what?! They aren’t teenagers anymore!  They are women, with fluctuating hormones and appetites.  They have gone through divorces and public heartbreak, and both women seem to have come out the other end intact. But that doesn’t matter, because neither is a size 2 anymore?

Gee, what are us 'normal’ women supposed to do?

I might use some words in this post that I am not a huge fan of, so I ask for your patience and forgiveness in advance.

I never thought of myself as fat.  I knew I should lose some weight, but after five pregnancies, a hectic life, well I had come to a place of acceptance.  I wanted to lose weight. I would see the beautiful new spring clothes and wish I could wear the tank tops without being self conscious. On the other hand, I was still a strong woman, and cardio-wise I was actually in really good condition.

I would go through little phases… I would exercise for a few days, watch what I ate for the same amount of time, but then inevitably I would fall back into the same habits.  For me, it made it harder when I had five boys who were active and had more calories to spare than I did.

And then we got some news, Roy’s cholesterol was a bit higher than the doctor wanted it to be.  His options were medication or lose some weight and change his diet.  He opted for the latter.  With my husband’s health as a motivator I started my own journey.  I like to cook, so I enjoyed looking for healthy recipes that would appeal to everyone.  I thought it was fun to look for little ways to lighten up old favorites (spaghetti, tacos, nachos, etc.), and I was thrilled when a new recipe was well received by everyone.  Going to the gym was another lifestyle change we made.  I saw improvements after only a few weeks.  I enjoyed seeing my body firm up, and I like pushing myself to lift a bit more weight, or do one more rep.  Having Roy there to push me always helps.  We joined the gym in late November 2010, and it has been almost five months, and I find myself getting antsy in the evening if I have not gone. It is becoming a habit I am proud of.

But while it was relatively easy for Roy to lose weight, the pounds have come off much more slowly for me.  Most days I am ok. I remind myself it is a process, a lifelong commitment that requires diligence. Other days I am frustrated that the scale seems to go down at such a slow rate for me no matter how hard I work.

A few things keep me going though. My clothes fit so much better. In fact most of them are too big now!  When I go to the store, I am happy when I need a smaller size, or when I try on a tank top and actually think I look cute.  

But the one thing that keeps me going is seeing how my body continues to defy my own expectations.  I try to remember it isn’t just about losing the weight. It’s about being healthy and setting a good example for the boys and my stepdaughter.  It’s about remembering what it’s like to be able to bench press just a few more pounds than I did last month.  It’s about what it feels like to actually JOG a mile, instead of just walking it.  It’s a reminder to me that if I take care of my body, it won’t let me down.

And for me that is what it boils down to. I wanted to be thinner, but it’s hard work, and in the past I didn’t want to put in the work.  I was afraid that I would do so, and nothing would change, and then the cycle of disappointment and weight gain would pick up again.  I didn’t want that sort of disappointment.

I might never be a size four again, but I gained so much more on this journey. 

I enjoy working out. I really do.  I like working up a sweat. I like pushing myself and my muscles to do just two more reps.  I like seeing the definition in my arms and legs again. The problem is GETTING to the gym sometimes. 

Some days I’m good.  I get up and know that I am GOING to the gym.  I don’t have to push myself. I don’t have to fight the urge to just stay home.  In fact some days I am even excited to hit the gym, and I have to make myself wait for Roy to get done with work!

But other days, I just want to stay home.  I want to curl up on the couch and just ‘chill.’  When I have too many days of 'just chilling,’ I have fewer and fewer 'good days.’

So, after taking almost two months straight off, I am ready to get back into the gym.  I do notice a difference.  I think we have made a lot of changes in the way we cook, and the food we buy, so neither Roy nor I have gained much of the weight we lost back in the two months we have been lazy.  But when I go to the gym regularly, I FEEL better - less PMS, I seem to have more patience, and the big thing, LESS STRESS!  I stress out about stupid things. I can be uptight, so if the gym helps me learn to relax, I should probably go at least once a day - maybe twice.

I am not a huge fan of classes.  I prefer to lift weights with Roy.  With him there, I can lift heavier weights and push myself more.  Cardio isn’t my favorite thing in the world, probably not even on my top 10, but I can push myself to do it, usually without much of a fight.

My goal is to do a 5K.  I don’t care if I run it. I just want to finish it.  I did one last year with my sister, and it took me almost 57 minutes.  It wasn’t a traditional 5k, rather this one was through the mud, the water, and over obstacles, but it was tough for me.  I was out of shape, and I was hurting.  Today I gave myself 30 minutes to see how much of a 5K loop I could complete on the treadmill (I only had 30 minutes as Dean had his first class today at the library at 10:30.) I did just over 2 miles.  NOT too bad, but not great either.  ON the other hand, I FELT like I could keep going.

Anyone train for a 5K before? Training now?  If you have some tips, please share, or maybe you just have some new workout ideas, so I can keep things fresh and funky.

Soo… I have mentioned my love of magazines numerous times, and that includes fitness/health magazines.  I was reading one of the many magazines in my stockpile the other day and came across an article called:

YOU can run a 5k/10k or Half Marathon!

I figure I’ll start small and try for a 5k in a time that isn’t embarrassing.  So my training schedule is as follows…

This Week (and possibly next week until I can run a full mile without stopping at a decent pace):

-Monday - Walk 1 mile to warm up, run ½ mile without stopping then walk 4 minutes (x3), walk 1 mile to cool down.

-Tuesday - cross training and/or strength training, 30-60 minutes

-Wednesday - rest (YEAH!)

-Thursday - same as Monday

-Friday - see Tuesday

-Saturday - 1 1/2 mile run/jog/walk

Sunday - rest

Monday went ok.  Took me almost an hour to finish that workout, but I did it as prescribed!

Tuesday was nice.  I really enjoy strength training, and I did 25 minutes on the elliptical.

I won’t lie though… I was looking forward to today and a little break.  But keeping my calories under control is something I need to pay attention to and work out.

Feeling good and I am looking forward to my first race… whenever that might be.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, we joined Golds Gym on Black Friday.  Serious about weight loss, Roy and I have been really good.  We go between 3-6 days a week, we have tried some new classes, we laugh, and we lift weights together.

For me, it is all about consistency, and having someone to work out with really helps.  Roy encourages me, makes me laugh, and makes working out bearable - dare I say even fun?  We took a class last Thursday, Body Pump - AMAZING workout!  But I don’t think my legs have ever been that sore.  I could barely walk down the stairs, even sitting down was rough, but happily I woke up this morning and feel almost normal.  Normal enough to hit the gym today, but sadly my honey is not feeling well, so I will either be going it alone or bringing one of the older boys.

I do find it frustrating though, the pounds seem to melt off Roy, and I count calories, carbs, etc. and workout hard, and I am just chugging along.  But, Roy is very supportive, and cheers all my victories - no matter how small.  We have been keeping food diaries for about a month (it will be one month on January 31st) and I have lost five pounds since I started recording everything I put in my mouth!  And, I’ll take that.  Five pounds in just over three weeks.  Slow but steady.

I have also adjusted the way I cook.  Cooking for me has usually been fun.  I enjoy cooking for a large family.  I like experimenting and trying new things, but with three growing boys it has been a challenge.  The boys are pretty active.  They are all growing, so cutting calories isn’t necessarily something they have to worry about.  On the other hand… Roy and I aren’t getting any younger.  For me, especially after five babies, losing weight has been a challenge.  I made up excuse after excuse to avoid the gym.  I told myself I would cut back on the sweets tomorrow as justification for eating one more Oreo, and the weight got comfortable, especially around my butt!

After deciding that we needed to get serious about watching what we eat, our health, etc., I set out on a mission.  I wanted to find healthy meals that EVERYONE could enjoy.  The boys still don’t need to watch their weight, but at the same time, why not teach them about healthy eating and how tasty it can be right from the get go?  And for the most part, they have been great.  Addi, Hayden, and Dean are too young to understand the hows and whys, but they have gamely tried the new recipes I have put on the table.  Joe is a bit more vocal in his critique.  He even said he enjoyed the “healthy” spaghetti sauce better than my usual.  Corey is very interested in food, so he has enjoyed looking through my new cookbooks, and finding recipes that would appeal to everyone.  I bought Rocco Dispirito’s book, Now Eat This, the other day, and I think I want to try everything in it!  Corey looked at it, and has decided he wants to make the revamped Philly Cheesesteak.  It’s great that the older boys are supportive or our decision to cook healthier meals.  I still buy them snacks, but I have found that every day that goes by it is easier for me to avoid snacking on them myself.

I bought some dark chocolate candies for Roy and I, and I am learning to enjoy just one and really to savor it, rather than eating three or four.  I am learning to listen to my body and stop eating when I am full, even if we are out.  The other day, Roy, Dean and I went to Chili’s.  Normally, even though I might be full, I would try to eat just a few more bites since the food is often expensive, but this time I ate about half and I was full, so rather than try and finish it, we took it home, and I had the rest for dinner last night.

And it is working!  I don’t feel hungry all the time, I don’t feel restricted like I am sure some diets are, I am learning to enjoy the gym, and I feel better than I have in years.  I even worked up a little treat list for myself.  For every five pounds I lose, I get a treat.  I woke up this morning, and sure enough… five pounds are gone!  So, I went to Target and got myself a brand new Navy Blue sports tank.  The next treat I am looking forward to is a new pair of cross trainers… already have them picked out!

My absolute favorite pair of jeans ever is too big. 

What a catch-22!  I’m happy I lost weight, but now I need to find a new pair of favorite jeans…

Oh well, the slouchy, boyfriend jean look is in - at least there’s that.

Sooo, I make a pact with myself to spend more time giving in to my feelings of restlessness when it comes to writing…and than I don’t write for four day?  Go figure!

It could be because our timeline got moved up.

What timeline you ask?

Well, I’ll tell ya,  Hayden is a Freshman this year, Dean is in fifth grade-so he’ll start middle school next year, and Roy works about 60 miles from home. NOT horrible, until you factor in rush hour traffic.  Sometimes, Roy gets into the office in an hour an a half, sometimes it take twice that-my goal was to move the summer before Hayden’s junior year.  That would give him two years at a new high school, Dean would have two years at the middle school before moving into HS, but my husband is beat.  With the new position he accepted, he’s going in almost daily-and I know it’s hard on him.  So, we’re looking to move in just a few months!

Ugh, I said it out loud

We’ve been here so long, I forgot why I dislike the process.  Getting the house ready, finding a new house…and than there’s THE PURGE.

I decided to start small, something no one could have any say over-my closet.  I listed items on ebay, I put aside items for a yard sale-and felt accomplished until I looked at my closet.  Pretty sure it looks no different.  When did I accumulate so much stuff?  

To be fair, Roy’s side of the closet looks similar.  I tell the man he needs to purge and he gives me two t-shirts-out of the 50 he owns-though he only wears about 10.  He has a t-shirt that he wears constantly (I wash it, he wears it-vicious cycle) that I can see through-I kid you not.  It didn’t start out like that, he just wears it constantly!  To boot-it says Grooveshark (does anyone even remember what that is?) and he got it for free!  Not that there’s anything wrong with promotional swag-I love my pens, but when it’s starting to disintegrate, maybe it’s time to move on?

Now, for my case I realized I have way to many shirts with goofy sayings.  Some I bought for the specific purpose of basketball games-I have a few with sayings, or Hayden’s number, etc.  But most say ridiculous things like, “More Tacos please.”  I’m not sure why I need three shirts that say that-especially when all are just different shades of grey.  

And you’d think when the shirts hold no real sentimental value it would be easy to let go of-apparently, it is not.  You never know when you might find yourself in desperate need of tacos and maybe you’ve lost your voice?  I don’t know…

And let’s not even get in to my legging collection.  Now, in the winter I do wear them-daily for the most part.  I wear tunics and leggings, or a sweater and leggings, etc.  They’re warm and cute-the more colorful the better!  But I’m short, so specific brands fit me best-so why do I have pair after pair that are too big? 

I think there was a time when I bought clothes to make myself happy-I was feeling out of sorts, sad-and when I worked through that-I was left with a packed closet.  And so, THE PURGE commenced.

I truly hope the kitchen isn’t like this-or you’ll find me crying in the shower…